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Trust in slave training:

In his book “It’s Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy”,     U. S.  Navy Commander  Michael Abrashoff  says that personal trust is like a bank.  You need to make trust deposits often and let it build up quantity and interest.  He points out that as events happen in life,  you may well need to spend some of this trust so you need reserves.  Spend the trust wisely and save it for emergencies.

naked slave girl

image of slave – by China Hamilton

This may well be true in slave training.  The slave girl you are training may react the wrong way to a training step you take or you might just make a stupid mistake were extra trust in the bank will help.

It is nice to have trust in the bank to spend when that happens.

Trust In a Master/slave relationship

Often the big key to successful slave training is based on the amount of trust she has in her Master.

What composes this “Bank of Trust” that she has is her belief that  he has the knowledge and skills to train her correctly, keep her  physically and emotionally safe, accepts ownership of her as a slave girl once trained, will structure service to make her useful and productive and has stability in his on life.  With this foundation trust can be deposited in the bank.

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caged girl

Trust Bankruptcy in slave training

Most of us that’s been around for a while has seen those spend more trust than they have and spend it to quickly.   If you overspend the relationship it is most likely over.    So build a trust fund to spend as needed or when you must.

The foundation for building trust with your slave is communication and honesty.   It is also important that a slave know that her body is safe with you during play and you have the skills necessary to play wisely.    Mistakes happen so credibility is important so that she does not loose confidence in your skills.   She only grows if she trust you.


Most dictionaries say something like trust is “showing or tending to have a belief in a person’s honesty or sincerity; not suspicious.”   As a Dominant we do all kinds of suspicious behavior and can cause fear in a slave.   We in the lifestyle push trust at times with the type of intense play and mind fuck games we do.    But that is our accepted lifestyle.  We do dominate and submit in this lifestyle.   Limits are pushed and expanded.    Not many forms of vanilla relationship   trust involves such intense focus and belief.     Because of that,  it takes time to build.   It can be quickly broken as well.

In many cases the lifestyle means a slave can be shared with other dom’s or he can have other slaves.    Trust involves accepting you have a useful place in a poly relationship.

Self-trust is also important.   You moved into this lifestyle because of inner feelings and believes.   The development into a slave can be intense.   Trust your needs and desires and know you will develop and grow in slavery.

So be honest (when not doing a mind fuck with your slave  🙂  )  and keep communication going.   If you make a mistake, admit it and move on.   Keep trust alive.   Oh,  a “mind fuck”  is not lying to a slave;  it’s a form of scene play for those that don’t know.


Trust is like a bank – applied to a Master slave relationship — 21 Comments

  1. This article is a wonderful addition to the site. Without trust, there is no bond between the Master and slave. The relationship is doomed without trust and communications to allow it to grow and nurture over time. For me personally, trust is the hardest thing to give to someone, especially when you are giving them you life, and heart.

  2. Amy, I agree completely with you. Trust and communication eventually creates ultimate respect towards the Master. Without respect it is impossible to submit completely and without reservations.

  3. I have the utmost respect for my Master but, I also have massive trust issues.
    This stems from years back and I have never managed to shift it.
    It gets irrational at times and I/We have struggled to deal with it.
    I have finally managed to ask my Master for help,He always saw it as my problem since it has been with me most of my life. Now,thankfully,He has agreed to help me.He is always honest and safe with me but doesn’t disclose every minor detail.which, to people without trust issues is normal,but to me was a massive problem.
    He will continue to be honest with me,but will step up and stop me if I start to become irrational about something that is of little consequence to either of us.I just hope that I can totally relax one day as none of my issues are His doing.

  4. @kasssia – communication, communication, communication.
    I know from conversations that your master is willing to help you with this struggle.

    It is a very common struggle. You can’t order a person to trust you It is earned or lost by the one being trusted.

  5. @kassia – when you go of the deep end because of trust. Do you think you two could develop a word between you that when said would cause you to stop and focus? The word would cause you to stop and think of what you have and how you can trust him. Maybe a word not often used so that when he says it you stop, think and remember then take a deep breath and relax as you exhale.

    Practice it between the two of you. Then talk about what is wrong. let your fears and phobias be known.

  6. One of the things a master should do early is identify as best he can trust issues. Then he can plan a way to deal with them. you can then be aware of what triggers fear.

    If you can build trust, you can take her a long ways. You need to understand how SHE needs to trust you. And WHY and WHAT problems there are. Communication, communication , communication..

    One of the reasons to stress that she is allowed no privacy or secrets is to get open conversation. BUT be warned, use the information gained wisely. With knowledge comes power and with power comes responsibility. What allows you to help her can allow you to harm her. Use good judgement and commons sense.

    You can’t order her to trust you and don’t be foolish enough to try. Trust is earned by you. Yes, you can encourage her to trust you can do certain scenes or routines to increase trust but out and out ordering her to trust will not work. That is because you can order her to trust like you can oder her to kneel.

    If you feel she is not trusting you then look at yourself and her issues and find the reason. Maybe you are doing something that reminds her of someone that harmed her or broke her trust. You need to deal with that trigger and maybe change some of your own behavior to help her (at least for a short period).

    One strong example is slapping the face. Many slave’s feel very submissive and surrender when slapped. In short they love it. BUT others may fight back or cry in fear because of past events.

    You have to build trust based upon her past.

    • My slave had still has issues if I punish or torture( cause lets be honest we love to torture our slaves lol) her to long she can and will go into a state of pure terror not because of me mind but because of something in her past. When this happens I stop everything and kiss jer tears away. It is the only responsible thing for a true master to do is to comfort then comfront these fears.

  7. wow Sir.
    Yes, trust needs to be built based on past and why there are trust issues, yet this is so easily overlooked.
    The fact that she can actually be damaged more is so imperative.
    Yet it is also overlooked so much! what Master wants damaged property?
    In the end He would have greatly benefited from His time in seeking knowledge before He tried to handle another humanbeing and sadly this is something that is seen a lot!!
    A damaged girl based on lack of knowledge,time and responsibility.

  8. Engraved in her mind is communicate, communicate, communicate, lol.
    Don’t leave her feeling lost or wondering, as she is NOT a fill in, she should be
    primary in her role in her Owner’s life…

    • Don’t leave her feeling lost or wondering, as she is NOT a fill in, she should be
      primary in her role in her Owner’s life…

      wise words!

  9. This is a wonderful document, thank you for including it.

    A personal code for myself is to never ask of another under my care what I am unwilling or unable to do within all reason. Commanding for blind allegance without cause to trust is a flawed foundation to build upon. If the D-type can not be humble, expression their mistakes and flaws, how is the s-type to learn by example and build trust. In my view compliance due to making the choice to please and be compliant due to trust and respect and a genuine desire to please is far more effective then being complaint out of fear of punishment.

    No matter how experienced a Master is, they still have something to learn. Hiding human traits might be very dangerous to both parties involved. That is my take at least.

  10. Thank you fot this article. Me and my slave wife have together a long time back in 01 we were playing out slave/master roles in role play then guess what I lost her trust end of role playing back to vanilla. Then I earned her trust back in 05 we swung fer a bit guess what BAM your right I lost her trust again back to vanilla know I have earned her trust again and we have jumped in with both feet im a bit older and I hope wiser. Moral of my story trust is so fragil you have to keep building take it from someone who knows better than most and thank you cbksslave for having the trust in me to let me help you into becoming the greatest slave any master could want I love you bitch.

  11. I’m joining this conversation late, so I beg your forbearance for referring back to some older posts.
    @Cuffsmaster said: “You can’t order a person to trust you It is earned or lost by the one being trusted.”
    Indeed. I have been taught that one cannot expect trust at first. Trust must build and grow. Early in a relationship, one can have faith in the other person, but faith proven over time develops into trust.
    @Cuffsmaster said: “Do you think you two could develop a word between you that when said would cause you to stop and focus? ”
    My own Master does just this. I have 4 “safewords” all colors. I.e. Red (please stop and talk to me), Yellow (nearing a concern), Green (all is well) and Purple (More of whatever is going on please!). We prefer to call them ‘alert’ words since that is really how they are used for both good and bad responses. I am to use them ANY time I feel I need to communicate discretely. If we are having a conversation that is troubling to me, I can discretely work the word “yellow” or “red” into the conversation and it’s a signal to Master that I’m having trouble with something and I need to talk. This works very well in public. Privately, I don’t need to be so discrete obviously.
    Sometimes I just need a moment to stop and collect my thoughts before swallowing more of my foot. Sometimes he didn’t realize that I need to warn him about something or someone near us. Sometimes he will ask me something like “Baby, what color car did you say you liked?” or “What shade would you call that skirt?” His favorite, “and just what color is the sky today?” (think Taming of the Shrew for reference) It’s his way of asking if I’m doing ok with what is going on.
    Communication.. communication and when that fails, Communication!

  12. This one agrees trust is built over time, it cannot be rushed. Honesty and communication are paramount. A slave must not only be honest with their Master/Mistress but it is imperative they be blatantly honest with themselves as well. A Master/Mistress cannot be expected to help a slave over their humps if that slave cannot be honest with themselves first. Take the skeletons, insecurities, self-esteem issues, baggage from past relationships, abuse suffered, examine all these then lay them out for ones Master/Mistress. They cannot work with a slave and help them if They do not know.

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