slave train­ing and Pri­vate logic and Lifestyle: More on Pri­vate Logic and Lifestyle as applied to slave train­ing and the BDSM lifestyle.  Pri­vate logic is the way we see our­selves, oth­ers, and life and is our per­sonal phi­los­o­phy that our lifestyle is based upon.  It is our “inner­most” beliefs that effect higher level think­ing, emo­tions and behav­ior. It is described as core beliefs by some and are the cen­tral themes of life. It is why we main­tain our lifestyle and why we resist change. slave train­ing often chal­lenges pri­vate logic.

Pri­vate logic con­tributes to the belief that you are on the right course of action and includes your goals.

slave train­ing The lifestyle is the way of think­ing, see­ing, feel­ing toward life and is syn­ony­mous with what is called per­son­al­ity. Adler (1956, pp 187–188). It is the guide toward life goals and why all our total (or behav­ior as a whole) is what it is. It is com­prised of both con­scious and sub­con­scious mind. The habits we form are in sup­port of your lifestyle and help us find our place in the world. No two peo­ple develop the exact same lifestyle. In striv­ing for goals, each of us develop a unique lifestyle.

This con­cept explains why our behav­ior fits together to pro­vide con­sis­tency in our actions. It also explains why human behav­ior has a pur­pose and is goal directed. Per­ma­nent change in lifestyle involves a change in pri­vate logic as the two are inter­con­nected. Chang­ing the slave’s pri­vate logic involves the exam­i­na­tion of core beliefs. Much of pri­vate logic and core beliefs are sub­con­scious or at least barely con­scious. Emo­tional hap­pi­ness evolves around being happy in our lifestyle.  Suc­cess­ful slave train­ing bring the slave to an inner peace of mind with her slavery.

The Mas­ter must iden­tify, under­stand and change, if nec­es­sary, the pri­vate logic of the slave dur­ing slave train­ing so that she beter serves, obeys and pleases him. . Lifestyle is a set of con­vic­tions or atti­tudes we cre­ate in order to help us find our place in the world. Lifestyle con­vic­tions can be bro­ken down into four areas also called clus­ters of beliefs:

1) self-concept — who one is and self-worth The con­vic­tions about “I.” (I am …. I am not … I do … I do not …) Self-concept is the anchor upon which we make com­par­isons. Appraisals and assess­ments. Self-concept is set in the present with key ele­ments of the past included.

2) self-ideal — who you would like to be; Con­nected to ones life goal. In order to have a place, I should ….. or In order to belong, I should … Self-ideal is at the cen­ter of adap­ta­tion. Self-ideal is future oriented.

3) pic­ture of world — what your rela­tion­ship with the envi­ron­ment is, how you believe the world works. (Life is — - Peo­ple are — The world is –)

4) eth­i­cal con­vec­tions.- your per­sonal code of how you and oth­ers should behave. (This is right to do) Self-concept is the way we view yourselves.

Many believe lifestyle has a cen­tral role in deter­min­ing how one behaves there impor­tant to slave train­ing.  If self-concept falls short of self-ideas, we have feel­ings of infe­ri­or­ity. If self-concept falls short of your pic­ture of the world, we have feel­ings of inad­e­quacy. If self-concept falls short of eth­i­cal con­vic­tions, we have feel­ings of guilt.

Thus, the slave’s self-concept and any areas in which she falls short should be exam­ined. The lifestyle does not define behav­ior, but acts as a lim­iter or expander of behavior.

The three core func­tions of lifestyle are:

1) help under­stand life

2) help pre­dict life

3) pro­vide oppor­tu­nity to con­trol life

Under­stand­ing of lifestyle con­vic­tions of a slave is the key to true knowl­edge about her. By obtain­ing an insight into the slave’s self-concept, self-ideal, pic­ture of the world and eth­i­cal con­vic­tions the Mas­ter has the knowl­edge to change her lifestyle.

PROTECTING THE “SELF” OR SAFEGUARDING BEHAVIOR

Safe­guard­ing behav­ior is how a per­son tries to pro­tect the “self” from the fol­low­ing threats:

1) Phys­i­cal

2) Social

3)The fear of loss of self-esteem

Six pri­mary safe­guard­ing oper­a­tions: (how we guard)

1) Symp­toms — devel­oped to avoid some task or chal­lenge for which we feel ill pre­pared. It is used to safe­guard self-esteem, exempt us from respon­si­bil­ity and engage others.

2) Aggres­sion — a course an indi­vid­ual takes in order to move toward a goal.

3) Dis­tance Seek­ing — a) mov­ing back is avoid­ing a chal­lenge, b) stand­ing still is buy­ing time, c) hes­i­ta­tions keep one in place and allow for baby steps. d) the act of cre­at­ing obsta­cles to pre­vent one from mov­ing for­ward until some­one else has already moved forward.

4) Anx­i­ety – avoid­ing meet­ing a chal­lenge to safe­guard self esteem.

5) Exclu­sion Ten­dency – nar­row­ing down one’s approach to life.

6) Excuses – Avoid­ing a feel­ing of defeat and pro­tect­ing the pride system.

Per­ceived Dan­gers and Defen­sive Patterns:

Peo­ple have nine per­ceived dan­gers that they defend them­selves against:

1) defec­tive

2) being exposed

3) incur­ring disapproval

4) being ridiculed

5) being taken advan­tage off

6) get­ting nec­es­sary help

7) sub­mit­ting to order

8) fac­ing responsibility

9) fac­ing unpleas­ant consequences

If any of the above nine per­ceived dan­gers exist, a per­son will engage in one or more of these defense patterns:

1. Exter­nal­iza­tion – blam­ing life and oth­ers for the problem

2. Blind spots – choos­ing not to see

3. Exces­sive self-control – an attempt to avoid feelings

4. Arbi­trary right­ness – “I’m right, you’re wrong.” “I’m right and don’t con­fuse me with the facts”

5. Elu­sive­ness and con­fu­sion – “I’m not gong to be pinned down” and if you can’t be pinned down, then you can’t be wrong, “dou­ble talk” is often used

6. Retreat – with­draw­ing from demands

7. Con­tri­tion and self-disparagement — pre­tend­ing to blame them­selves. Say­ing “I’m sorry” in the hopes of being for­given with­out being held account­able. They hope the harder they beat them­selves, the less oth­ers will.

8. Suf­fer­ing – It can be a form of manip­u­la­tion, jus­ti­fi­ca­tion or self-glorification.

9. Sideshows – Instead of focus­ing on the main issue, it’s an attempt to shift atten­tion to a sec­ond and less impor­tant issue. A method of avoid­ing the real issue.

10. Ratio­nal­iza­tion – Using rea­son to excuse them­selves from acknowl­edg­ing defeat, defi­cien­cies or bad behavior.

11. Intel­lec­tu­al­iz­ing – keep­ing peo­ple at a dis­tance by talk­ing about the abstract for the pur­pose of avoid­ing feelings.

12. Iden­ti­fi­ca­tion – gain­ing self-esteem through the action or observ­ing the actions of others.

13. Buy­ing dou­ble insur­ance – Set­ting up a “win-win” sit­u­a­tion; play­ing it dou­ble safe.

14. Lit­er­al­ism – If I take every­thing seri­ous, I can encour­age oth­ers to be care­ful around me. If told to do some­thing, I do it to the let­ter of the instruc­tions and not the spirit of it.

15. Fan­tasy – daydreaming

16. Dis­place­ment – “kick­ing the dog” when you are mad at some­one else. It allows the indi­vid­ual to evade deal­ing with the real problem.

17. Doc­trine of bal­ance – belief that prov­i­dence pro­vides a bal­ance to give us self-esteem. “She is a beau­ti­ful blond, there­fore she is dumb.”

18. Reac­tion for­ma­tion – Pos­tur­ing the oppo­site of what we really believe and feel.

LIFE TASKS as part of slave training:

Life tasks rep­re­sent a person’s rela­tion­ship with the world. Peo­ple meet life tasks accord­ing to their lifestyle.

The life tasks are work task, social task, sex­ual task, self task, spir­i­tual task, and fam­ily task. Another def­i­n­i­tion of life task is work, friend­ship, love, spir­i­tual and self.

Most of the above infor­ma­tion came from:

“A Primer of Adler­ian Psy­chol­ogy: The Ana­lytic – Behav­ioral — Cog­ni­tive Psy­chol­ogy of Alfred Adler”, H. Mosak and M. Mani­acci, (1999) Brunner/Mazel, Philadel­phia, PA “Adler­ian Coun­sel­ing: A Practitioner’s Approach 4th Edi­tion”, T. J. Sweeney, PhD, (1998), Accel­er­ated Devel­op­ment, Philadel­phia, PA