The Real­i­ties

by miria hunter

I decided to write this arti­cle because I have seen so many sub­mis­sives come into the lifestyle expect­ing every­thing to be dream-like and per­fect. I don’t wish to ruin anyone’s dreams, or turn them from the activ­ity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are.

Being a slave can be, and is for me, a won­der­ful life. It’s every­thing I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had some­one explained the real­i­ties to me prior to my deci­sion, it would have made my tran­si­tion so much eas­ier. For the pur­pose of this arti­cle, I am address­ing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These com­ments are from my view­point, which is that of a female slave with a male Mas­ter. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme’s or male slaves. For them, I can­not com­ment from per­sonal expe­ri­ence. This is just my view from a real-time experience.

First, there are a few things you need to dis­cover for and about your­self. Do you wish to be in this type rela­tion­ship 24/7? Per­haps you only wish to be in it dur­ing the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only dur­ing cer­tain times. There are many ways this activ­ity can be done, but you have to fig­ure out what is right for you.

Sec­ond, you need to learn to be hon­est with your­self. Fig­ure out what you will and will not do, and what is a “maybe”. Search inside your­self for what you really want, and when you find it, be hon­est to any­one you talk to. Don’t agree to some­thing long-term that you know you will not be able accom­plish. Ask your­self some hard ques­tions. The rest of this arti­cle will give you aspects to con­tem­plate so you can base your deci­sions on real­ity, and not some­one else’s dreams of how it should be.

Are you pre­pared to sur­ren­der 100% con­trol of your life to some­one else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean enter­ing into this rela­tion­ship only for the time agreed upon that the Mas­ter would have the total con­trol. Once the scene is over, every­thing returns to normal.

Do you enjoy coun­try music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Con­sider this. The Mas­ter who’s col­lar you will even­tu­ally wear, may only like clas­si­cal or another type of music that you don’t enjoy. Are you pre­pared to give up those selec­tions and only lis­ten to His music? This type sac­ri­fice can apply to many other things you cur­rently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Mas­ter is into Hard Rock. Because of His pref­er­ences, I rarely get to lis­ten to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does per­mit me to lis­ten to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, “per­mit­ted to”. Some­thing as sim­ple as lis­ten­ing to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be per­mit­ted to enjoy even this lit­tle plea­sure when­ever you wish. These lim­i­ta­tions can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about any­where anything!

Is there a cer­tain style of clothes you love? Cer­tain col­ors and scents you wouldn’t be caught with­out? If your Mas­ter doesn’t approve of them, you may be wear­ing a totally dif­fer­ent style with col­ors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morn­ing. Are you pre­pared to abide hap­pily by His choices? If He asked you to wear some­thing very skimpy to some­place sim­ple like the gro­cery store, could you do this with­out hes­i­ta­tion? I am lucky in the fact that my Mas­ter lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at any­time, should He decide that He wants me to wear some­thing else, I am to change imme­di­ately. Trust me, He does exer­cise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going some­place special.

Are you pre­pared to change your hair­style, length, or color to please your Mas­ter? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your col­lar as will every­thing else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own any­thing. From the time you take His col­lar, every­thing will be His. It will no longer be “your” car or “your” clothes, but “His”, on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be per­mit­ted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS choice, not yours. Remem­ber, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.

You have a favorite chair, or a cer­tain way you like to sit or walk? Your Mas­ter will decide whether you sit on fur­ni­ture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask per­mis­sion to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cush­ion on the floor that they do not need per­mis­sion to sit upon, but very lit­tle else. You will even need per­mis­sion to eat at the table with your Master.

It’s been a long hard day at work. You get home and want noth­ing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won’t be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: pre­pare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retir­ing for bed usu­ally occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an “I am too tired” or “I don’t feel well”: noth­ing of the kind. Unless your Mas­ter has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain respon­si­ble for mak­ing sure His needs and wants are filled: no mat­ter what. It is your job to inform your Mas­ter of your phys­i­cal health sta­tus. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and pro­tect, His pos­ses­sions. You being the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Mas­ter know how you are feel­ing, He will make sure that your tasks will be appro­pri­ate to your capabilities.

Many come into this lifestyle look­ing to be used sex­u­ally, to ser­vice their Mas­ter at His whim. They never con­sider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of ser­vice to your Mas­ter, and not to be ser­viced for your­self. How­ever, being read­ily avail­able to Him at ALL times is also an unspo­ken expec­ta­tion. The old excuse “not tonight dear, I have a headache” doesn’t work in a D/s rela­tion­ship. In order to pro­vide Him plea­sure, you must also express to Him the plea­sure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Mas­ter feel this is a chore to you: some­thing you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Mas­ter tells you to do some­thing, it will not be up to you to ques­tion Him. You will be required to respond with no ques­tions asked. At a later time (if this is per­mit­ted in your rela­tion­ship), you may ask Him for per­mis­sion to speak on an equal level. If He gives per­mis­sion, this will be your oppor­tu­nity to ask your ques­tions. How­ever, it is impor­tant to ask in a way so as not to ques­tion His author­ity, but at the same time to sat­isfy your curiosity.

Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servi­tude? Do you think you couldn’t do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this rela­tion­ship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slav­ery; it is a mat­ter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Mas­ter. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, dur­ing the course of your rela­tion­ship there will be times you will be forced to do some­thing, but it will never be some­thing that goes against who you are. Your Mas­ter may feel obey­ing this com­mand will help you to grow into the best per­son you can be, or will help you break out of an inhi­bi­tion you have.

How is your tem­per? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accept­ing any­thing and every­thing, and then go off to sulk because your feel­ings were hurt? A Mas­ter does not wish to have a door­mat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learn­ing when and how to say things will become very impor­tant in your rela­tion­ship. If you do not tell your Mas­ter when some­thing is both­er­ing you, then you have no right what­so­ever to become upset. How­ever won­der­ful and omnipo­tent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won’t know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.

Your self-discipline is very impor­tant in this rela­tion­ship. Do you tend to put things off until the last pos­si­ble moment? You won’t be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Mas­ter will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fash­ion set by Him, not by you. Your Master’s wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is sim­i­lar to self-control. Your abil­ity to fol­low com­plete assign­ments made by your Mas­ter will be very impor­tant. As a slave, you will need to be able to con­trol your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the bound­aries set for you by Him. If He says you can’t do some­thing, sim­ply, you can’t. Doing it any­way, and not telling Him doesn’t make it right. In the case of a Master/slave rela­tion­ship, what you don’t know CAN hurt you, as well as the rela­tion­ship you have worked so hard to build. Even a sim­ple “white lie” can destroy the trust so nec­es­sary to really estab­lish this type relationship.

As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the dif­fer­ence between the two? If not, I strongly rec­om­mend you fig­ure them out before enter­ing into servi­tude. Some­times the two are hard to dis­tin­guish, but it will become impor­tant that you do so. Your Mas­ter will ensure all your “needs” are taken care of, but the “wants” will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the neces­si­ties of life that are required in order for us to remain men­tally and phys­i­cally healthy. They allow us to grow emo­tion­ally and spir­i­tu­ally. If you can sur­vive with­out some­thing, then it is a want. Wants are usu­ally given as a reward for good behavior.

In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within your­self and adapt to. Your pri­mary pur­pose in life will be to see to your Mas­ters plea­sure (both men­tally and phys­i­cally) in any man­ner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Mas­ter well. Find out what pleases and dis­pleases Him. By this, I do not mean just sex­u­ally. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your rela­tion­ship. Learn to antic­i­pate His every need and desire with­out being pushy. His needs and desires will encom­pass intel­lec­tual stim­u­la­tion, phys­i­cal plea­sure, emo­tional sup­port, and many other things unique to Him. Remem­ber — phys­i­cal does not equal sex­ual. Phys­i­cal plea­sure may include, but is not lim­ited to, touch, favorite foods, tex­tures, cloth­ing, and col­ors as exam­ples. It will be your job to make sure His phys­i­cal plea­sures are met in every­way. Think of the five senses, and make His envi­ron­ment pleas­ing to all of them. Never for­get — the most pleas­ing thing in His envi­ron­ment should be you.

As His slave, it will be up to you to fig­ure out what pleases your Mas­ter. He should not have to ask con­stantly for the basic things — you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, qui­etly and unob­tru­sively refill it. Remem­ber, you are doing this for His plea­sure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He com­fort­able? If He looks happy and con­tent, then you have done well, and should bask in His con­tent. Always remem­ber that you do this for Him and not for your own sat­is­fac­tion. Your hap­pi­ness should come from serv­ing Him and His being happy.

As I said in the begin­ning of this arti­cle, I am not try­ing to scare you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully know­ing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did with­out think­ing, like sim­ply sit­ting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about any­more. That is, until we find a Master.

Every­thing else you learned before read­ing this arti­cle is prob­a­bly true. Being a slave is a won­der­ful life: one where you are taken care of. Most deci­sions are out of your hands and in those of your Master’s. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Mas­ters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no plea­sure in own­ing a door­mat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being your­self is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.

You will find being a slave every­thing you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life know­ing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be glid­ing on air. Parts of you that never were com­plete will then become whole. In relin­quish­ing con­trol, I have found free­dom: free­dom to find and be the per­son I am inside.

It is my hope that, after read­ing this arti­cle, you will be able to make a more informed choice about enter­ing this lifestyle. Never for­get that, one of the most impor­tant require­ments for exist­ing in this lifestyle is hon­esty. Hon­esty with your­self first. How­ever, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find your­self at peace and able to enter your servi­tude with clearer mind, know­ing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Master’s col­lar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life — noth­ing will remain yours. Being a slave means giv­ing up so much more than you would if you were only being sub­mis­sive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn’t just a word; it’s a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.

Ricks’s miria

Any­one wish­ing to use this arti­cle on their site or mail­ing list may do so as long as my name and email address remain on them. Giv­ing credit where it belongs. miria_hunter@softhome.net