slave­space

by slave yiedling

I’ve recently put a name to a feel­ing I have had, a place I’ve gone within myself. Slave­space. Sim­ple enough to say, and a rather fit­ting word. I know I’ve men­tioned that sec­ond plane of thought in some of my entries and I’ve seen dreamy post­ing some­thing I think is sim­i­lar in her jour­nal, so I fig­ure now is a good time to post this:

One of the first things I learned as a new sub­mis­sive to the BDSM scene was that the most desired place to reach dur­ing a scene was ”sub­space.” The first time I found myself in sub­space, I real­ized why every­one was so eager to get there. The phys­i­o­log­i­cal and psy­cho­log­i­cal descent from total con­scious­ness to the relax­ing, unin­hib­ited plane that is sub-space was mind-blowing — indeed, mind-expanding — espe­cially the first time it happened.

Like most new sub­mis­sives, I real­ized I was on to some­thing and began a pur­suit of this state of being that engulfed most of my week­ends and my free time thoughts. Not only could I indulge the fan­tasies of a Dominant’s con­trol, fan­tasies I had car­ried since child­hood, but now I could expand upon them. I could take the fan­tasies one step further.

In sub­space, I could let myself go alto­gether — become totally engrossed in a shame­less dis­play of wan­ton sex­u­al­ity in the midst of a med­i­ta­tive state of relax­ation, and do so with the bless­ing, the approval and the encour­age­ment of those around me.

As my expe­ri­ence as a sub­mis­sive grew, and my oppor­tu­ni­ties to play expanded, I became more attuned to the meth­ods by which sub­space is actu­al­ized, and was able to achieve it not only through the Dominant’s exquis­ite use of tor­ture and plea­sure, but by coor­di­nat­ing its occur­rence in my own mind as well. I remem­ber play­ing with Mas­ter Stern before i became His slave, and with the first strike of the flog­ger, I was in sub­space. While I would like to credit His flaw­less skill, in that instance, it was obvi­ous that the need for out­side stim­u­la­tion began to decline the more often sub­space was obtained. (Some­one recently com­pared the abil­ity to put one­self in sub­space to being able to ”see” the images in a ”Magic Eye” draw­ing — it may take some time to adjust your vision at first, but even­tu­ally, the hid­den pic­ture is vis­i­ble to you almost immediately.)

It wasn’t until Mas­ter Stern accepted me as His slave and had begun the process of teach­ing me to live as one, that I became aware of a new place I could go; a place that shares some qual­i­ties of sub­space, but is entirely dif­fer­ent in other aspects: slave­space. My first encounter with slave­space was dur­ing a period of iso­la­tion in a small closet where I stood in the dark at atten­tion for nearly an hour. (I can’t remem­ber what hap­pened to put me there, but I was being pun­ished.) It was the longest period of time I had been iso­lated up to that point. Some of my for­mer Dom­i­nant play part­ners issued pun­ish­ments of stand­ing in the cor­ner or iso­la­tion, but they usu­ally lasted no more than ten min­utes or so, and were seri­ously lack­ing in effectiveness.

Mas­ter Stern and I had dis­cussed how impor­tant it was to both of us that He be con­sis­tent with me; in other words, if He told me I would be pun­ished in a par­tic­u­lar man­ner or for a spe­cific length of time, He would not ”reneg.” I wanted (and still want) this from Him, because it is a vis­i­ble dis­play of His com­mit­ment to the rela­tion­ship, and because if I have to be pun­ished, I want to insure that I will hes­i­tate before repeat­ing the mistake.

A slave’s first hour in iso­la­tion is not as easy as it sounds. I went through sev­eral emo­tional stages dur­ing the hour. At first I whim­pered and felt sorry for myself. (if I remem­ber cor­rectly, I was still sting­ing from the cor­po­ral por­tion of the pun­ish­ment, and it took sev­eral min­utes for me to calm myself.) Ini­tially I believed that Mas­ter Stern, like all the Dom­i­nants before Him, would let me out early. He would release me with a warn­ing that ”next time” the pun­ish­ment would be car­ried out. After approx­i­mately 20 min­utes had passed, I began to worry that He might not -

that He might actu­ally have taken seri­ously the dis­cus­sion we had regard­ing con­sis­tency, and I pan­icked. Of course I meant it when I told Him I wanted Him to fol­low through, but I wasn’t in the closet at the time of our discussion!

I had a short con­ver­sa­tion with myself about open­ing the door and just walk­ing out, but i put the thought aside. I am sure if I had done so, I would have been placed right back where I started, and the clock would have begun again at zero.

At one point, when the posi­tion of atten­tion was becom­ing uncom­fort­able, I began whim­per­ing again. It was a cal­cu­lated move on my part. I hoped that dis­com­fort could be heard through the door (assum­ing Mas­ter Stern was even in the room), and He would stop the tor­ture that was caus­ing me no sex­ual excite­ment at all.

Even­tu­ally I real­ized that I was going to have to carry out the full sen­tence, and the remain­ing time, (although I wasn’t sure how much was left), seemed unbear­able. I couldn’t leave or com­mu­ni­cate with Mas­ter Stern, and I found there was noth­ing left to do but think about the rea­sons I had been placed there. With almost instant clar­ity, I rec­og­nized that no part of the pun­ish­ment was unde­served, and I became ashamed of my behav­ior. More than any­thing, I wished I could leave the closet and make a tear­ful apol­ogy to Mas­ter Stern and beg His for­give­ness. As I have told Mas­ter Stern in the past, that is when the pun­ish­ment actu­ally began — when the focus shifted from my body and its state of dis­com­fort to my mind, and the state of Master’s dis­ap­point­ment in my behavior.

For quite some time, I was amazed that iso­la­tion (or cor­ner time, or being placed in a cer­tain posi­tion) could cre­ate such a response. I wasn’t sim­ply sorry that I had got­ten in trou­ble, I was sorry that I had cre­ated such an unpleas­ant sit­u­a­tion for Mas­ter Stern. I mar­veled at this for months, and was always grate­ful for the oppor­tu­nity to be pun­ished in such a way.

After even longer, how­ever, the ”Magic Eye” syn­drome — that sense of accep­tance came more quickly and eas­ily. My hour in the closet seemed pro­tracted, because within sev­eral min­utes, I had already reached the emo­tional state of tak­ing respon­si­bil­ity for my actions.

The final emo­tional stage of this process cul­mi­nated in what I now call ”slave space.” I believe it began with emo­tional detach­ment from the pun­ish­ment and sim­ple accep­tance of my role. I under­stood the neces­sity of the pun­ish­ment, no longer felt sorry for myself, and tried to focus all my energy on hold­ing a proper form (despite no one look­ing) and keep­ing my mind in focus. I was no longer emo­tional — I no longer felt the desire to rush to Master’s feet and beg mercy and for­give­ness. Instead, I was able to form in my mind a proper apol­ogy, one that befit a slave who under­stood why she was being punished.

A long story, and one that boils down to a dif­fer­ent form of space; one in which the slave in me is evi­dent in action and atti­tude. In slave­space I think of noth­ing but my Mas­ter. My mind doesn’t wan­der, nor do I con­sider what is hap­pen­ing to me in a per­sonal sense. As with sub­space, the abil­ity to achieve slave­space becomes eas­ier as time goes on.

The dif­fer­ence between the two is what I con­sider most impor­tant. Sub­space is a plea­sur­able place in which I am focused on my own reac­tions and my own good feel­ings. In sub­space I am not con­sid­er­ing my Mas­ter at all, but am putting all my energy into the altered state of plea­sure. It is undoubt­edly a fab­u­lous place to be.

In slave­space, on the other hand, none of the focus is on me. It is all on my Mas­ter. It is a place in which I can obey and serve with a sense of con­tent­ment as plea­sur­able men­tally as sub­space is phys­i­cally. How­ever, none of the ”self­ish­ness” of sub­space is evi­dent in slavespace.

While both states func­tion on phys­i­o­log­i­cal and pycho­log­i­cal lev­els, sub­space is more a prod­uct of the phys­i­cal and slave space more depen­dent upon the psy­cho­log­i­cal. Fur­ther, sub­space allows accep­tance phys­i­cal and emo­tional free­dom; slave space allows accep­tance of the opposite.

Highly val­ued and often seen as the pin­na­cle of the BDSM expe­ri­ence, sub­space can be read­ily attained by most expe­ri­enced ”play­ers,” even those who do not know one another very well. Its pur­pose is to pro­vide a plea­sur­able expe­ri­ence for the sub­mis­sive. It is, indeed, that, but at best, sub­space is a tem­po­rary con­di­tion; its long-lasting effects are mostly reflec­tive. The most intense por­tions of sub­space last only as long as the scene, whereas slave­space pro­motes a far more long-lasting effect. Sub­space pro­duces phys­i­cal and emo­tional joy, slave­space pro­duces con­tent­ment and ful­fill­ment — per­haps not as emo­tion­ally charged, but some­how bet­ter in the long run.

I am not yet capa­ble of plac­ing myself into slave­space as eas­ily as I can sub­space, but I no longer need pun­ish­ment or iso­la­tion to get there. I hope that as my train­ing con­tin­ues, slave­space becomes more and more acces­si­ble, and I will be able to retain it for even longer peri­ods of time. I now think of sub­space as a reward my Mas­ter gives me on occa­sion. slave­space is the gift He has given me to learn to live within.

Author: yield­ing slave to Mas­ter Stern

If any­one knows where slave yield­ing is please have her con­tact me or give me her email address. I would love to pub­lish more of her articles.