The empow­er­ment of submission

by

Karen

I (I use cap­i­tal­ized and first-person pro­nouns sim­ply for ease of writ­ing, not attempt­ing in any way to be dis­re­spect­ful) am a sub­mis­sive aspir­ing to be a slave and I had some inter­est­ing thoughts a while back when I heard some fem­i­nist friends attack­ing the bdsm lifestyle. Their main argu­ment seemed to be that it pushed gen­der roles back­wards, remov­ing power from women and reduc­ing them to objects. For me, though, the expe­ri­ence has been absolutely oppo­site. I find more empow­er­ment and a growth of self-esteem and con­fi­dence in a bdsm rela­tion­ship than any “vanilla” rela­tion­ship I’ve ever had with a man.

In a bdsm rela­tion­ship, the entire struc­ture of that rela­tion­ship is based on respect, trust, and, above all, con­sent. A true Dom­i­nant val­ues his sub­mis­sive or slave because he under­stands the gift he is being given in her sub­mis­sion to him. They work as a team in defined roles towards her growth in her sub­mis­sion, care­fully push­ing her lim­its. Reach­ing and sur­pass­ing these lim­its is an extremely lib­er­at­ing, not humil­i­at­ing expe­ri­ence. You dis­cover places within your­self that you didn’t know where there or never thought you’d be able to face and you are able to do it in a safe, sup­port­ive environment.

The Dom­i­nant pro­vides that safety with his strength and his patience. He is strict, but only because he needs to push the submissive/slave to her very best and not allow her to accept less from her­self. I find myself bet­ter able to face the out­side world with con­fi­dence after expe­ri­ences such as these, know­ing that I am worth­while and that I am strong within. A submissive’s admis­sion of her weak­ness as a human being and her depen­dence on her mas­ter can be her great­est strength and the begin­ning of true con­fi­dence and self-worth, strip­ping away the false façade that we all too often wear to pro­tect our­selves from the out­side world. The way I see it, being a fem­i­nist and being a sub­mis­sive are no con­tra­dic­tion, merely a dif­fer­ent path.