Dom­i­na­tion Ver­sus Domineering

What is the dif­fer­ence, what should you know

Writ­ten by fawn{G}, lov­ing slave of Mas­ter Greg

There is a fine line in deter­min­ing abuse and play at times in a Total Power Exchange (TPE) rela­tion­ship, or even in play­time. Often an onlooker may see abuse where one whom is schooled in con­trol may see a les­son. So how does one tell the dif­fer­ence, where do we draw the line between safe, sane and con­sen­sual and con­trol rein­forced with pain, fear, and neglect.

Web­ster defines the two terms thusly:

Dom­i­nate v.t. rule, con­trol, sway; of heights, to over­look. –vi. Con­trol, be the most pow­er­ful or influ­en­tial mem­ber or part of something. –

dom­i­nant a. –dom­i­na­tion n. –dom­i­neer’ v.i. to act impe­ri­ously, tyrannize.

There­fore one can sur­mise, to dom­i­nate means to con­trol, to influ­ence, to dom­i­neer is to act irre­spon­si­bly in a tyran­ni­cal way.

Abuse can be defined as any activ­ity that is dam­ag­ing to another, whether men­tally, phys­i­cally, or spiritually.

There are those who crave pain as a way of giv­ing of them­selves, or an out­pour­ing or release of emo­tions, while oth­ers can­not tol­er­ate pain, it fright­ens them, fills them with fear to the point they with­draw com­pletely, hid­ing inside them­selves. Here we have two sides of the same coin, in one case, a good flog­ging to the point of tears would be ben­e­fi­cial, while to the other exam­ple, this act could push the sub­ject into a deep depres­sive state includ­ing and not lim­ited to the break­ing of sacred trust.

Either sub­ject would be excel­lent mate­r­ial for dom­i­na­tion and unfor­tu­nately dom­i­neer­ing. Case in point if a Dom beat His prop­erty every day for His sheer enjoy­ment, and she was not harmed, then its not abuse. But if it did harm her, pushed her beyond her lim­i­ta­tions of fear or pain, to the point of dam­ag­ing her men­tally or phys­i­cally, then it becomes abusive.

Many activ­i­ties enjoyed in BDSM scenes, or train­ing ses­sions can be used to either dom­i­nate or dom­i­neer, it is the intent behind the exer­cise that defines it. If it is used to push the sub­ject, stretch her lim­i­ta­tions, broaden her scope of expe­ri­ence and thereby strengthen her trust, it is most assuredly dom­i­na­tion. On the other hand, if it is used to break the sub­ject, beat her down and destroy her men­tally, then this is very clearly dom­i­neer­ing abu­sive use of the subject.

So how can we, as sub­mis­sives, be assured we will not be dom­i­neered but receive the dom­i­na­tion we so des­per­ately crave. The answer is really quite simple.

To begin with, we must define, what is a Master.

Once again we will look to Webster’s art­ful definitions;

mast’er n. one who employs another, head of a house­hold; owner; one in con­trol; cap­tain of a mer­chant ship; teacher; artist of great rep­u­ta­tion –v.t. over­come; acquire knowl­edge of, or skill in, –mast’erful a. impe­ri­ous, self-willed, mast’erly n. skill­fully done, –mast’ery n. vic­tory, authority

A Mas­ter dom­i­nates, He owns prop­erty with respon­si­bil­ity, He teaches, sup­ports, nur­tures, and skill­fully cre­ates the ser­vant He wants by mold­ing her into what He wishes, not destroy­ing the essence, but embell­ish­ing and pol­ish­ing the raw dia­mond till it shines brightly. There is noth­ing beau­ti­ful nor valu­able in a brow beaten ani­mal, scared of it shadow, mov­ing through the paces pounded in its head in utter fear of its owner.

A dom­i­neer­ing per­son will try to get the same results but with force and frus­tra­tion. Dom­i­neer­ing is break­ing the ani­mal down to a shadow of an exis­tence for the sheer enjoy­ment of being in charge with­out regard for his property’s well­be­ing. This per­son can­not con­trol him­self much less mas­ter another. His abil­ity to mas­ter will reflect upon all aspects of his life, one just has to look to see the proof.

There are spoiled chil­dren try­ing to wear grown up clothes in every walk of life, it is up to our com­mon sense to rec­og­nize who can be trusted with the keys to our bod­ies and minds and who can not. Once the keys are given, it is much harder to imple­ment this phi­los­o­phy. Know the Man WELL before giv­ing this power to them. This can­not be empha­sized too much or too often. To take a col­lar is to give your­self, body, mind, and soul, to another. A col­lar is for life, a col­lar means this per­son has the power to either make or break you sub­mis­sives, you are giv­ing them that power by accept­ing it. Bet­ter make damn sure they are respon­si­ble enough to care for the prop­erty before you hand them the keys.

To often have we read the sto­ries of girls end­ing up in a hos­pi­tal from the abuse of a Dom they met online, or a gorean Mas­ter they thought was for real. Wake up! Smell the cof­fee! You are your only defense in this sit­u­a­tion. This is your last deci­sion you will ever make as a sub­mis­sive, make it wisely, it deter­mines the rest of your life!

In any TPE rela­tion­ship, there is the dan­ger of abuse, but we sub­mis­sives have the power to choose our Dom­i­nants care­fully, and must exer­cise great cau­tion when doing so. Our beloved Dom­i­nants have the power to make their prop­erty sparkle with bright­ness and shine with the clar­ity of love, devo­tion, and excel in per­sonal growth fur­ther then they have ever known, Dom­i­nants also have the power to break these charges down to noth­ing, it is up to the Dom­i­nant to exer­cise their power with dig­nity and honor and respect.

Make that deci­sion soberly this girl employs you, serve well, and live happy. The life of a slave should be filled with great joy and hap­pi­ness, her sense of free­dom and expres­sion greater then most will ever fathom. Don’t sell your­self short, you are worth it, you deserve it.

A girl wishes to thank Mas­ter Cuff­s­Mas­ter for allow­ing a sim­ple gorean slave the oppor­tu­nity to post such an impor­tant topic on His site. She is grate­ful to her Mas­ter for allow­ing her to do so.

fawn{G}, lov­ing slave of Mas­ter Greg’s email address: allera@yahoo.com