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naked slave in leg irons.

Loyalty if a polyamorous Master/slave relationship is complex and different for a Master than his slave’s because of the very nature of the relationship.


Photographer Derek Bowden

Trust and a feeling of belonging are necessary to allow loyalty to grow.  You become loyal to someone you feel a connection to.

It is the Master’s responsibility to build the feeling of belong in a submissive to foster her loyalty to him, the polyamorous Master/slave relationship and the other slave. The master assumes the burden of building and protecting his slaves’ loyalty. This is not easy because everyone has conflicting loyalties. An example would be the loyalty to a friend can conflict with loyalty to family or a principle.

“The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith.” – Confucius

Understanding loyalty In a polyamorous Master slave relationship

In General terms loyalty means:

1) giving high priority to the relationship and doing what is in the best interest to protect and deepen the relationship therefore insuring long-term success. That is true for both master and slave. However the focus may be different.

2) Or a feeling of allegiance or a course of action that binds you.  Loyalty to a principle.

For purposes of this article the definition of a polyamorous Master/slave Relationship means a 24/7 family unit made up of one Master and more than one slave. The Master is the chief authority in the relationship. There may be an alpha slave whos task is to help teach and make sure others follow her Master’s rules. All aspects of the slaves’ lives are owned and subject to control by the Master. It’s a closed relationship in that the slaves are not free to have sexual relationships with others without the Master’s consent. Slaves are owned property.  It is first and foremost a Master/slave relationship.

NOTE: Polygamy  means ‘many marriages’ and is based on having marriage commitments (think mormons). Polyamory is a term that means ‘many loves’. It does not imply marriage.  It can include living together, raising kids and group slavery.

In a polyamorous Master/slave relationship many types of loyality comes into play . There are interpersonal, family, organizational,  employer/employee and hints of military type loyalties all woven together in the relationship.

Loyality in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship is different than a Marriage. Loyalty in a master /slave relationship has a hierarchical structure.

Different in loyalties for a Master vs slave

A master’s loyalty in a polyamorous relationship differs from his slaves.  This is due to the difference in roles and responsibilities in the relationship.  Most people don’t think about it but there are many different types of loyalties in a relationship. Explaining loyalty in a polyamorous Master/slave family is a bit complicated.

A Master’s loyalty: (family, slaves)    Also known as Head of Household loyalties.  

1) Master/slave relationship and unity of cause binding each together (the family). No one slave can be allowed to cause the upset of the whole polyamorous Master/slave relationship. The needs of the whole can outweigh the wants of one slave. Yes, the whole family may rally around one slave’s needs in times of trouble or sickness but generally a Master’s loyality is geared to the big picture. This is different than giving slave’s attention or respect.

2) Loyalty to his individual  slaves as his servants, lovers and to some extent as if they are his employees or troops. His duty is to train them to serve, obey and please him and protect the family. He is assigned the task of insuring all slaves are well training, safe and secure. He develops the loyalties of his slaves.  He is responsible for safety and security.


slave’s loyalty:  (Master, family, Peers)

1) Loyalty to her Master. The primary objective of a slave is to serve, obey and please her master. All other loyalities are secondary. This is an interpersonal loyalty.

2) Master/slave family is the structural unit that binds them together. This is family loyalty or community loyalty. Loyalty to the whole. Loyalty to a close family unit established and managed by her Master.  she must feel useful in this unit.

3) Peers – sister slaves (this can also involve the beta slaves’ loyalty to an Alpha slave). A loyal bond between sisters where each focus on serving, obeying and pleases their master. It is binding on an equil par. The loyality to a sister slave is hinged on the sister ‘s loyality to their Master.

Building loyality is one of the challenges of training a slave girl.


The controversial Theory of Military loyalty applied to a Master/slave relationship

Not all of the military model of loyalty works in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship because loyalty is considered one way.  I offer this as food for thought.  Granted, some aspects easily apply but a Master/slave relationship is not the same as military service.

Some theories of Military unit loyalty claim that loyalty is a one way street within the service. The troops are trained to be loyal to the Commander without question  but the Commander is not required to be loyal to the troops. Troops are to obey his orders and follow him to death. A commander uses the troops to further his wants and needs or a loyalty to his Country.  When discussing the strict subject of loyalty a commander does not have his troops personal needs at heart.

The commanders only loyalty to his troops is to use them to the best of his ability to satisfy his plans or cause. In other words the commander is to not needlessly get them killed while meeting his objective and maybe glorifying himself. But he may knowingly sacerfice some of them in an effort to fulfill that mission. Example: Sacrificing troops by leaving some behind to slow down an advancing  enemy Army as the rest of his Army retreats.  The total command and its goal is more important than the individual needs of troops.  The commander’s loyalty is to the whole and the goal.

He, as military commander,  can lie to troops as long as the purpose is to fulfill his goal and need not communicate his plans to them.  He can demand loyalty with no intention of giving it.  They are only to obey.  He can punish troops for disloyalty without them even knowing his mission goals.   Loyalty is strictly a one way street.

I am in no way pretending that a Master’s loyalty is the same as a commanders’ loyalty to his nation while leading troops into battle. I am only saying that the Master is the Commander of the family and there some similarities and well and differences.   A Master may consider his family goals and  his personal wants over individual slave wants.  He trains slave to serve him.   However I don’t think it is a good idea to lie to slaves about your intent.

Other views of loyalties

Fred Reichheld, business author, says in his book, The Loyalty Effect, that loyalty is the willingness to make an investment or personal sacrifice to strengthen a relationship. Loyalty can be faithfulness, devotion, trust, and adherence.

I disagree slightly and think that faithfulness, devotion and trust develop loyalty but I get his point.    I think trust must exist before loyalty is very strong.

Carolyn Myss in her book, Anatomy of the Spirit, says loyalty is part of the evolutionarily “tribal power system” and can have more influence than love. It’s an evolved instinct and members rely upon it even more in a crisis. She uses the example of a person feeling loyalty to family in general even if they don’t love all the members, and feel loyalty toward others with the same ethnicity without knowing them.

Myss’ idea of loyalty being a part of tribal power may well be true but the Master must develop and maintain the system before the instinct can florish. It will only happen because of his understand and influence. A Master must first build a strong tribe that is accepting of each slave.   She must have a feeling of belonging to the tribe and devotion to it and the tribal members.   This type of loyalty is learned in that you learn to love the tribe.  The better you know and interact with the tribe the more loyal you become.  The tribal concept seems to have merit.   In addition the tribe has a strong leadership structure that allows a master to use his natural head of household loyalties.

Requirements for Loyalty

Effective loyalty can’t be coerced or demanded. It must be heartfelt by the giver. The loyalty must be obtainable and not beyond reason.  It must be practical and useful.   Loyalty must be a wholehearted commitment.  It involves a cause or person to believe in.   It needs something beyond self to believe in and respect.

A Master must take care of himself so he can care for his slaves. He must also be honest with himself and make decisions based on good values and knowledge.    If he is being less than honest with himself sooner or later his slaves will find out it will destroy trust.   If trust falls loyalty will follow.

Be clear in your values, learn to trust loyal slaves, challenge them, care for their wellbeing, value their slavery and service.   Above all  communicate, communicate, communicate.   Communication and honesty makes it different from military loyalty even if you do have to make decisions that are unpopular at times.

Again —  Always remember that loyalty depends on trust. Don’t demand loyalty but earn it. Fear based loyalty does not last.

A master’s role as head of household and respect

Respect is different from loyalty.  A master, as head of household,  may respect each and every slave for her obedience,  service and devotion.

But a Master’s head of household leadership loyalty can be at times a little like the military. This happens when a Master issues commands based on the good of all instead of individuals.  Whereas: Trust and respect travels in both directions up and down the chain of command.

Loyalty and discipline are like magnetic forces holding the household together allowing all parties to work for a common cause.  

(More on discipline and the poly household at a later date)



Loyalty in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship — 7 Comments

  1. I love this article! 🙂 It is a very different view into the poly lifestyle. To me this is one of the hardest beliefs in the poly world for the rest of society to understand. They assume that if there is no jealousy and they just let their partner go off and be with someone else that they are worthless when in fact it means just the opposite. Partners in this lifestyle need to realize that they are all unique.

  2. @ Sir Cuffsmaster – THANK YOU — So true, so true. This Post makes me think.

    A Master’ s attention must be on the whole home much like a father. Yes, each slave needs attention but must not be permitted to dominate or push out others. Master holds our home together with his energy.

    Loyalty to your Master and the family is everything and gives you more strength than you’d ever have on your own. Sister/brother slaves can be such a blessing to have if all worship and are loyal to their Master and respect the home and each other.

    Each slave receives joy from the other slaves’ service to their Master. You learn to honor and respect the strengths each slave brings to the home and not be jealous of it. Each slave’s strength and energy serves everyone in the family directly or indirectly. Of course there are bumps and struggles at time but loyalty, love and caring carries you and guide changes. Well, that and Master’s cane lol.

    I never thought about the differences between loyalty requirements of a Master vs slaves but Sir Cuffsmaster’s Post makes me think. Of course everyone knows that it’s impossible for the house to live and grow if a Master only gives his attention to one slave. But it might be worse if his loyalty was focused on one slave or individual slaves instead of maintaining a home for all.

    I know that being a “head of household” is not a responsibility I’d want. I’ll gladly let Master make the decisions to govern us. Master makes many choices including who his slaves will be. Those are choices I have no interest in making. I would not like telling a slave that she didn’t make it for this or that reason. I know Sir Cuffsmaster and my Master have discussed this task at times.

    I think accepting a poly Master/slave relationship is harder for the first slave than the ones that follow after her into the home. At least that has been my observation. Her attitude and loyalty can have almost as much influence on the success or failure of the home as her Master. I may be wrong since I’m not an authority nor have I seriously studied it.

    In my observations it seems that the first slave is most likely the Alpha slave in homes where the Master allows an Alpha. I don’t know if Masters pick an Alpha first or it just turns out that way.

    I agree completely with the last sentence about the importance of “loyalty and discipline” in a poly household. IMO, no poly family would last 10 minutes without both.

    Thank you again.


    the milk cow

    Our home is over 9 years old & includes:
    our Master of course,
    an Alpha slave,
    2 slave girls (me being 1 of the 2)
    and 1 slave boy.

    3 of us are 24/7 with the others spending on the average 2 days a week in the home. Master says we are a full household and does not want or need more. LOL I guess we are a handful.

  3. I enjoyed reading this article. Since I was a little girl I dreamed of being in a poly family. Western society teaches us that that is wrong. Unfortunately, I figured this out late in life. My ideal Family would comprise of one Master and several slaves.
    I find in my search for this the use of the terms alpha and beta rampant. Some Masters are looking for an alpha then betas. However, most already have an Alpha and are only looking for betas. Maybe I am seeing it wrong but nobody wants to be second best. I would not want to be in a relationship where I’m considered the alpha or the beta. I see this as akin to having children. I for example have three boys. They each have differing attributes and strengths just like they have different weaknesses. Even though this is the case I have no more love for one over the other and certainly no favorite. I see them as being equal yet different.
    I would love to hear thoughts from the community on this subject.

    • Someday, we hope to add an alpha to our unit. And that is what I want. I am submissive and do not want to be alpha. I would prefer someone to be over me. However, I know and feel secure in my Master’s love. That is not to say that I definitely won’t be jealous. I’m already jealous, thinking about it. However, I am committed to my Master and to what unit he may assemble. It will be up to the Master to make sure that one does not feel less than another.

    • you are right on the money re. your sons. wonderful to see someone with such a insightful approach to family. think you are right re alpha beta etc. thanks for your post

  4. An excellent read, and spot on across the board coming from a Dom whose spent the better part of 17 years as a Poly Master. Thanks for sharing my friend. Great site too btw. Peace

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