BDSM has peaked my interest and I’m curious to find out how to start actually learning apart from a lot of the stuff found on the internet. Please don’t shoot me down. I’d like some real information.

The only stupid question is the one you dont ask .

Good for you Katie. I was in the same boat when I started. For what it’s worth, my main three influences (beyond my slave’s abilities and my desires) are this site and the Code d’Odalisque. I have found several interesting discussions of FetLife as well, but not nearly as much or as well thought out as this site. Also, look for blogs to follow. I actually follow a slave support site’s blog just for the different perspective on the dynamic. I think the most important thing is to look with an open mind at a lot of different resources – especially books and web sites – to get an initial idea of what practices are out there and how they are discussed. Then examine what you actually find so interesting about it. It was only after much reflection that I found out I was very interested in power exchange within a M/s relationship but am not into inflicting pain as in ‘traditional’ S/M. That gave me a direction to start looking into in earnest.

The book ‘Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns” is a good general survey of BDSM topics, though the copy I found is pretty old (the 70′s pictures were kind of a turn off, haha!).

BiCouple – first I think you need to read the Theory then the Practice sections of this website related to slave training. IT is not about sexual play or punishment.. It is about ownership.

After you read and Theory and practice sections then if you are still interested in our type of training we will try to help. Right now you need to do some basic study to understand or realize this group is not about scene play.

This post is not intended to put you down but to get you on the right track. You may not want a Master/slave relationship or she may not want it. This is consensual slavery and you can’t really beat her into accepting it.

This goal of B.E.S.T. is to discuss slave training with those that have read The B.E.S.T. slave training Guide and have a clue of what it is about. It’s not about discussing a Dom/sub lifestyle or meeting for scene play only.

So start by reading, Different ways to play is not what we are about and if you truly are interested in a Master/slave relationship it is not your answer as well.

I have been reading up on master slave training, Im trying to become a good master, the sight here is vary informational and has helped me. I was looking for helpful things to make me a better master. we both want to fully engulf ourself into this lifestyle.

Bi couple – There is a reason she is resisting. Find it.

Not to sound like a broken record, Bicouple, but I agree with Cuffsmaster and KatiHWHB. It’s a Master’s responsibility, IMHO, to help his slave attain the freedom of servitude she craves. There are any number of reasons why she may be having difficulty doing so – it might be natural for her but it rarely comes naturally. So much of society and experience have taught her to oppose and surpress her nature.

First, as has been said, be sure this life is what you both want. There’s no harm in wanting something else – that’s how we all got here in the first place. A negotiation list and slave contract will help clarify that, with honest discussion, and verify that fact in committing to the power exchange. A permanent symbol, in the form of a public and/or private collar, is a helpful reminder for both (and, I admit, I love to see my slave in her collar!). My slave craves structure, so I put together a protocol explaining the basic rules I expect her to live her new life by. This may help as well, though I understand it’s not for everyone.

The next step, for me, is really a never-ending series of cycles. Examine her behavior, emotions, self-image and thoughts (B.E.S.T) for internal impediments to that servitude you have both committed to. At the same time, set up some initial internalization-reinforcing rules or rituals. Those may help in the short-term with her accepting her new place in life, getting past the more superficial internal impediments and finding a venue for the two of you to express your new found relationship. Find the erotic the power exchange brings to your life outside of play, and the intimate it bring within your play.

As you are enjoying and exploring that it is the Master’s responsibility to examine her internal impediments. You should both go through a negotiation list. Look at the differences between hers and yours and think about what you need to help her get past in order to bring her attitudes closer to your desires. That is where she will be happiest as a slave, which will in turn make you happier.

The cyclical nature, for me, is in identifying a few of those impediments, defining ways to correct her behavior, emotions, self-image and/or thoughts to get past those and then enacting those. Once you see satisfactory progress, review and repeat. That, in my ‘practice’ or style, is the heart of slave training. A slave, by definition, desires to please her Master and is thankful for his attention. It’s your job as a Master to help her fully realize that potential by training her past her internalized issues and into more fully being connected to her desire to serve, pleasure and obey.

The best training is the training that the slave is not even aware of. The conditioning that occurs and the changes in behaviour that become second nature to the slave. It is only after time has passed and the slave realises or it is pointed out to her that the training becomes evident. Not everything can be done on such a subtle level but the things that are learnt on that subconscious level run deep.