I plan to attend The SouthEast Leather Fest (S.E.L.F.)  in Atlanta, GA.   June 20-23th  for a weekend of fun and learning.

If anyone else is going to attend please message me.

I hope to see you there.

For more information you can Google SouthEast Leather Fest (S.E.L.F.).

A great place to be if you are interested in Kink, bondage, slave training or  a myriad of other interest related to B.D.S.M.

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Power of Attorney and living will for a slave.   These are not subjects that many want to think about in a Master/slave relationship.  But being a good Master means you consider and handle such issues.   The slave girl is your responsibility and this is part of proper slave management & care.

The power of attorneys and will are more important for a 24/7 slave than someone you occasionally see.  In fact, I would not recommend them if you don’t live with her.

slave’s will and POA

Remember that legal rights are not laid out in a Master/slave contract. A slave contract is NOT legally binding only morally binding between the parties.  You must have proper legal documents to exercise legal rights over her affairs. Don’t believe a slave contract will acts as a will or power of attorney,  it will not.   I would not recommend that you try to include a power of attorney or will in your slave contract.  A power of attorney should be a separate document unclouded with the conditions set forth in a usual slave contract.  Keep it simple and easy for a court to enforce if needed.    If you have to get the power of attorney enforced by a Court keep it simple and near what the Court is use to seeing and enforcing.   Why complicate it for yourself or the Court?   When you need it enforced you probably don’t have time to discuss unrelated issues in the slave contract.  Don’t take a chance on voiding the power of attorney. living will or will by including them in an otherwise unenforceable document.  Keep them separate.

Power of Attorney, living will & Will granting a Master the legal authority to make decisions for his slave:

Durable and medical power of attorneys (POA)

There are two types of power of attorney that should be considered for a slave to sign granting her master legal authority. The 1) durable power of attorney and the 2) power to handle medical issues.

A “durable power of Attorney” aka enduring power of attorney grants broad authority to act upon behave of the slave in legal and financial matters.  This includes authority to make decisions for her about both real and personal property.  The durable power of attorney continues to be in effect even if the slave later suffers a mental illness or physical injury rendering her incapable of acting on her own behalf. My advice is to make sure you have a durable power of attorney instead of a regular POA because a regular POA becomes void if the one authorizing it (your slave) become mentally or physically unable to act on their own accord.

Note that any POA can be cancelled any time by the parties.  You can’t write a POA denying the slave the right to cancel it in the future.   The POA would not be enforceable if you added that to it.

Some real and personal property can be signed directly over to a Master instead of using a POA but a POA is still a good idea because of the broad authority it grants.  This becomes important if she becomes ill or is not around for some reason.

Medical power of attorney aka advance health care directive or living will gives her master the authority to make important medical decisions on her behalf if she becomes ill and  request information about her condition from the medical staff and doctors.

Also a Master should be listed as someone able to receive medical information from her doctors office.   That permission is usually granted by her in the usual paperwork submitted to a doctor’s office.  That should be updated in the records for each doctor your slave uses.  The Master should be listed as the contacting party in case of emergency if she lives with you.   Again this is all part of proper slave management.

Will for real and personal property

In addition a slave should have a  “Will”  establishing the master’s rights over her property in the event of her death.   This will clarify the distribution of her assets in event of her passing.

POA end at that death of one of the parties so a will is needed to handle affairs after a death.

POA and Will for a Master

A Master should also consider granting someone power to act on his behalf if he become mentally or physically escapable of acting for himself. He should also consider documenting  his wishes for  the distribution of his property after his death.  For this he also needs a will.   A master may  sometime need care as well.    Make these decisions beforehand and have the necessary legal requirements already handled.

note:

I am not an attorney and have no special expertise in wills or powers of attorney so proper legal advice should be sought first. If you wish you can research and find examples of both on-line but the best bet is to seek an attorney with knowledge in these areas for the location where you live.  There is a different in requirements betweens States or Countries.   In my opinion, local legal advice is best. 

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WELCOME

Welcome to B.E.S.T. slave training.    You will find forums and lots of great information about slave training.

Enjoy

There are many areas on the site.   Just explore the menu above.   The side is geared to provide an educational resource for the Master/slave relationship.   So in that light, slave training is the main focus.

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The slave’s Vessel -   A slave is trained to serve her master in the daylight as well as in the bed at night.  Her domestic or other service is important to the success of their lives.  Every slave needs a vessel she can fill and serve her master with.

domestic service — carrying a vessel Image c. 1910 by Lehnert & Landrock

She serves, obeys and pleases her master.  Not ever act of service needs to be ordered by her Master.  she just knows that she needed and fills the vessel for her Master.

The vase to please

Carrying the vessel to serve

The simple act of carrying water as displayed above can be a beautiful act of honoring her Master.  she does not need to be told each time that the vessel needs refilled or where the well is located.  she uses her reasoning powers and sees that it is empty.  she then goes and gathers the water.  she fills the vessel in silence and carries it to serve. she fills the need.

she knows she will not always hear the words “good girl” for each and every vase of water she carries on her shoulder but she serves just the same. her duty is to serve. her joy is in serving. her pride is serving well. she knows she honors him by proudly carrying it with dignity.

shouldering the load

she can take pride because she didn’t have to be told to fill the vessel, she just did it.  her Master is very proud of her because there is no need for him to constantly watch the vessel himself and tell her that it is empty and to fill it.  she makes the extra effort to serve and he can focus on other things.

Yes, in the beginning he will show her which vessel to carry and how to carry it but there is no need to constantly tell her.  she has a well developed reasoning power he expects her to use.  she serves by being active in her service.

Richer life because she carrying the vessel

A Master’s whole life is made richer by his slave’s service.  she serves in so many ways and places.  she uses her vessels to shoulder many loads for her Master.  she is of little 24/7 value if she is unwilling to shoulder the loads of the vessels.

A well worn vessel shows the worth of a slave girl because she carries it often in service to her master.  The scares on a well worn vessel are honor marks showing his slave’s value. It is better to have dropped and broken the vessel while working hard to serve than to be afraid to ever shoulder the vessel.  her efforts to serving far out weights the value of a vase. she will be given another vase.

serving with a full vessel

Collecting Vessels

she serves or prepares for future service by gaining skills in such areas as cooking, massage, sewing & crafts, dance or a hundred other skills.  her focus is on serving, obeying and pleasing and she takes positive steps to improve her ability to do so.  she collects all kinds of vessels to carry for her master in order to better serve.   After all she is owned 24/7/365 and that provides many chances to serve in so many ways.  her vessels will be well used if she is willing to carry them.

The vessels she carries are not limited to domestic service 

Often her vessel is her job or business at which she works hard and with dedication.  This vessel like many others can be heavy on her shoulder at times.  she brings the vessel filled with the fruits of her labor home to her Master.   she kneels and presents the filled vessel.  she feels his pride.  Somehow the vessel now seems not so heavy a load.

she carries her vessel with pride.  she knows her Master is proud of her for the way she carries herself while she shoulders the vessel.  His pride is always in her not the vessel she carries.

Every slave carries a vessel owned by her master. The vessel has value only when carried.   The beauty is not in the vessel but in the slave that carries it.

gathering water

Images by Lehnert_et_Landrock c. 1910. from Wikimedia Commons - Rudolf LEHNERT (1878–1948) & Ernst LANDROCK (1878–1966) The images were photographed by Lehnert in or about the year 1910.   Altho all images were photographed by Lennert they were published under both names.  

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I want to thank Derek Bowden  for allowing B.E.S.T. slave training Guide the use some of his images.  It’s clear that he knows his art and has the skills to present it well.  It’s Derek’s way of sharing with us and helping the website grow.  His images help greatly in accentuating BDSM and slave training.  Thanks Derek.

Image by Derek Bowden

more from Derek

Derek Bowden image — slave girl in leg cuffs

We are lucky to have received permission from Derek and China to use some of their images.

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I write this under the direction of my Master. It was in a conversation we had today discussing how I have grown, where I have come from, and where I am today that I am instructed to write this post. I do not submit that I know everything, or know it all, because that is far from the case, in this or any other matter. However, I speak from experience, insight, gut wrenching intuition and an understanding of my slavery

slave table — taming a slave — Image by Derek Bowden

Two years ago (or in that vicinity of time) I sent an email to Master outlining my heart, my life, my fears, and my nightmares.   I was always expected to be the strong, independent, capable woman, and although I do that with ease in my day to day life, I knew there was a part of me that was not complete. And it was in that first email that I shared those thoughts and feelings.

Key to BEST slave Training

It was at that time, two years ago, that Master took me under His care and began training me—although I will say—I had no idea He was training and by the time I realized what He was doing and the path I was walking on—He had my submission complete and true.

And, this, is where I believe lies the KEY to BEST Slave Training. I was brand new to understanding myself, I was inexperienced to BDSM. A poorer Master could have done exceedingly great harm to me, if he himself was ‘new’, inexperienced, or did not know how to handle a ‘wild mustang’.

In my first email two years ago I spoke of the stories I’ve written, the nightmares’ I’ve had and the spirit of a wild mustang. And, it was in those beginning writings that Master took information and began my training.

Image by Derek Bowden

It is in my training that I learnt that although my slavery to my Master needs to be of my own free will, His duty to my care, my mind, body, soul, spirit and heart, far outweigh any responsibility I will ever carry. Why do I say that? Simple—as a slave—I put my trust whole and completely into the hands of my Master. He holds the core of “me” in the palm of His hands to mold at His will. If He does not know me, the core of me, what makes me feel, what makes me cry, what makes me happy, what makes me submit, what drives me to peace, what brings upon the fear, He will not know how to Master.

In the Master/slave relationship there is one head. One ruler and one who controls. Generally, in this instance, we’d assume that is Master. A Master cannot Master if a slave is not submissive. And, a slave cannot submit if a Master cannot Master. My Master has control because He claims me, He takes me, He owns me. When I fight, He fights back—harder. When I resist—He pushes back—harder. Truly, there is only going to be one ‘winner’, unless you consider that my submission and slavery is the biggest win of all. Slavery is a gift, in its purest form. A true slave’s desire is to serve, please and obey her Master. It is a Master’s duty to bring her to that place and to show her the direction in which she needs to go in order to accomplish the end goal—to serve, please and obey. Truth be told, it is not the slaves’ duty to ask and answer questions, and try to guess the direction Master wishes to go. It is the Master’s duty to know the questions to ask and expect an answer and to keep drawing from her until the slave’s responses satisfy Him. (In all of that being said, sometimes a good beating is the best solution 

In my training Master has taken those things that I’ve written to Him about in my reports, those things that I’ve written about in stories, those things that I’ve spoken to Him about in openness where my heart has been cut open with His knife, and has used them to His advantage. It is His duty and His right as my Master to use those things for His advantage. Now and again, it stings, but in all things I grow.

Taming of the Wild Mustang, was this slave, is this slave. Taming of the Wild Mustang is me. In one of my writings I sent to Master I told Him I felt as though I were a wild mustang. And, over a period of day’s and weeks He had me caged, and when He removed me from that cage, He had me saddled, bridled, spurred and ridden. I was ridden hard but with care and love. And I was taken to places I did not want to go, but I went because I was being ridden and forced to go. Ahh, but in so doing, Master never wanted to break my spirit, He never wanted to damage me. Master has always said—what good is a damaged slave—would I take my truck and ram it into the barn—of course not—therefore I will not take a slave and damage her—I want to use her over and over and over again. And, it is because of that, that my desire to serve, please, and obey my Master is so strong and grows with each and every day.

There is a time in everyone’s life where they want to run and hide.  Where doubt and fear take over.  I am not an unusual slave, I suffer, struggled and fought for the longest time my calling as a slave.  I must confess, that there was a time where I ran, and tried to buck off my Master and jump the fence.  Master held on to the ‘wild mustang’ with strength and power.  He knew how to hold the beast within and keep it from likely hurting itself.  And, it was during that time that I felt the spurs digging so deep that they forced me back to the pen where I knew I would be safe.

Training of a slave has no ending. The wild mustang will always poke its head out now and again. It is not a bad slave who has a wild side—what Master wants boring. But training is day by day, step by step, hour by hour. Patience, virtue and trust –for all. It takes time, lots of time. Master has been training me for two years and in that time I have learnt much about myself, who I am, and where I belong. I am owned by Him. I am His slave and am proud to be ‘slave e’ to Cuffsmaster. That is my calling, that is where I belong and He takes my ‘wild mustang’ and all to the deepest part of the darkest part of my soul and opens me up to see the light and beauty of my slavery to Him.

I am proud to be His slave. I am proud to be ‘slave e’. I am proud of where this journey began and where it continues to go. It is in the strength and power of Master that I move forward and continue to rely on His knowledge and skill in training me day by day and hour by hour. I still have fears, I still have obstacles. I am female and a wild mustang, after all. But I face these things leaning on my Master and trusting His direction at every turn. Surely He will continue to ride the wild mustang and keep her close to Him, for that is the calling of a slave.

In the palm of her master’s hand

You see, I feel, at the end of the day, a Master’s duty is powerful and strong. He holds the key that unlocks all the doors, windows and hiding places of his slave. He holds his slave in the palm of His hands. How he uses that (to his advantage or not) is up to him. It is not the fault of the slave if she is not being asked the right questions, or he does not know how to dig into her soul deep enough to find her deepest fear. It is the responsibility of the Master to know. It is the responsibility of the Master to ask, learn, observe, listen and hear.

To feel her, to see her core, to give her the room to grow and at the same time, know when and how to pull her close to Him. That takes talent.  The methods of BEST Slave Training were unknown to me two years ago. Since that time, however, I have watched, learned and have been a willing participant of BEST. I am at peace with this technique and find it (as a slave) a useful tool for both Master and slave.

slave e

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Jealousy and adding a second slave to the poly family.  Jealousy is the major killer of the dream of a polyamorous relationship.  Because another slave

ready for whipping by Derek Bowden

is present and seen interacting with her master, jealousy will go seriously awry if not checked.  It’s the slave’s imagination & fears instead of reason & facts causing issues.   It’s often caused by a Master’s lack of preplanning to prepare his trainee.   However sometimes jealousy is almost ingrained and a deeper analysis using The B.E.S.T. slave training theory will facilitate  overcoming it.

Years ago a vanilla friend was bragging to me about how he could make his wife jealous.  He told how good it made him feel when she got mad because it showed she loved him.    I tried to explain to him that is was a dangerous human weakness he was playing with.  I told him jealousy was insecurity not love.  Of course it backfired on him in time.   They are no longer together.  Not that it was the only issue but it was an unwise action that didn’t help.  She mentioned it to me when I saw her once on the street after the divorce.  So playing with her emotions caused problems.

 “Jealousy springs more from love of self than from love of another.”  - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Communication and Jealousy

Communication,  communication and communication solves many of the problems in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship.   A master needs to understand his slave’s fears and re-assure her.  Talk to her.  Observe her behavior  because it is a giveaway to her thoughts.  Being a master is not a cake walk.

Jealousy and polyamory

Jealousy is an emotion that results from negative thoughts and feeling caused by 1) lack of confidence 2) poor self-image, 3) fear and 4) insecurities.  This causes feeling of fear and anxiety for an ANTICIPATED personal loss not an ACTUAL loss. It is about you not others.   Normally it is assumed the person is jealous with no actual contract with a third person.

However in a poly — family there is actual contact with a second slave that may involve intimatcy.  This adds a new dimension not normally a factor in dealing with jealousy.  A slave does not own her Master or his sexual energy therefore there is no loss.  She is his property.  She must learn to accept that she has no control.  What a slave must accept is that her master will be active with others and she has no right to stop it.

Jealousy itself,  if gone awry,  can bring out the worst in her and then cause a strong reaction from others.  It’s a destructive act.

Jealousy is an area where B.E.S.T. Slave training can help since it not only focuses on behavior but emotions & sensations, self-image and thoughts.

Steps to easing Jealousy in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship.

Jealousy is not corrected by only changing behavior or using overwhelming force or punishment.   Yes, some bad behavior exhibited because of jealousy can and maybe should result in punishment.  However jealousy is an emotion not a behavior.  The emotion must be directly addressed.

The first step is to understand that jealousy is a perceived problem more than an actual problem and to analysis your own personal jealousy. Determine the foundations in the past that lead you to feel jealousy. Jealousy is not founded in the present but past personal experiences or learned faulty thinking. Hypnosis can help to unveil these issues.  Find the triggers that set off Jealousy .   Write them down and analysis how the triggers make you feel.   Facing the source helps overcome it.

Analysis how your jealousy is having an negative affect on yourself, your Master and others. A logical look at jealousy will usually show how it hinders the problem instead of fixes it. Granted this observation by itself will not “fix” it but will show that jealous does not come from reason. It shows you can’t use jealous to fix relationship issues. Jealousy is always about yourself not others.

Examine jealousy with logical questions. If jealousy is illogical then logic can help to overcome it. Ask such questions as: Why am I Jealous?, What makes me feel it?, What am I trying to keep or change? Who do I expect it to change others? It is working for me? How can I better communicate and solve the problem other than using this emotion? Why do I feel threatened?

Avoid negative self judgement and negative self-image.   Jealousy is often founded in perceived weaknesses areas of your life.   Jealousy causes you to multiply those feelings in your mind.   Practice seeing yourself in a positive self-image.   Comprise a list of positive things about yourself to focus on instead of your perceived weaknesses.

The results of Jealousy and Polyamory

REBT and Jealousy.

Big with the B.E.S.T. Theory is examining and changing false beliefs. Look at the section on REBT.  Jealousy is based upon emotions generated by a false belief. Fine the correct believe and work hard to replace faulty beliefs and thinking with reason, logic and truth. Understanding, logic and truth can kill jealousy.

Apologizing for your actions

Take positive action by apologizing to anyone you have offended.  BUT only after you know you were wrong and you need to change.  This is a crucial step. It allows all parties to put down guards and start again. It matters little if you feel humiliation from apologizing because your emotions caused it. Apologizing is to help solve the problem you created.

Communicate and seek truth not faulty thinking

Communicate with each other – Jealousy is based on a lack of knowledge and truth. Communication helps solve this issue.   Never let jealousy destroy your live.  It is a curse not a blessing.  It feeds on feelings of inadequate, insecure, or dependent.   The sad part is that if a slave’s jealousy is not faced and corrected it may be necessary to let her go if you want a poly-family.   That is a fact because you can’t have a destructive force in your house.   So it is better for the master to take an active role on the front-end to aid her in overcoming her fears then have to release her later.

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Loyalty if a polyamorous Master/slave relationship is complex and different for a Master than his slave’s because of the very nature of the relationship.

Photographer Derek Bowden

Trust and a feeling of belonging are necessary to allow loyalty to grow.  You become loyal to someone you feel a connection to.

It is the Master’s responsibility to build the feeling of belong in a submissive to foster her loyalty to him, the polyamorous Master/slave relationship and the other slave. The master assumes the burden of building and protecting his slaves’ loyalty. This is not easy because everyone has conflicting loyalties. An example would be the loyalty to a friend can conflict with loyalty to family or a principle.

“The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith.” – Confucius

Understanding loyalty In a polyamorous Master slave relationship

In General terms loyalty means:

1) giving high priority to the relationship and doing what is in the best interest to protect and deepen the relationship therefore insuring long-term success. That is true for both master and slave. However the focus may be different.

2) Or a feeling of allegiance or a course of action that binds you.  Loyalty to a principle.

For purposes of this article the definition of a polyamorous Master/slave Relationship means a 24/7 family unit made up of one Master and more than one slave. The Master is the chief authority in the relationship. There may be an alpha slave whos task is to help teach and make sure others follow her Master’s rules. All aspects of the slaves’ lives are owned and subject to control by the Master. It’s a closed relationship in that the slaves are not free to have sexual relationships with others without the Master’s consent. Slaves are owned property.  It is first and foremost a Master/slave relationship.

NOTE: Polygamy  means ‘many marriages’ and is based on having marriage commitments (think mormons). Polyamory is a term that means ‘many loves’. It does not imply marriage.  It can include living together, raising kids and group slavery.

In a polyamorous Master/slave relationship many types of loyality comes into play . There are interpersonal, family, organizational,  employer/employee and hints of military type loyalties all woven together in the relationship.

Loyality in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship is different than a Marriage. Loyalty in a master /slave relationship has a hierarchical structure.

Different in loyalties for a Master vs slave

A master’s loyalty in a polyamorous relationship differs from his slaves.  This is due to the difference in roles and responsibilities in the relationship.  Most people don’t think about it but there are many different types of loyalties in a relationship. Explaining loyalty in a polyamorous Master/slave family is a bit complicated.

A Master’s loyalty: (family, slaves)    Also known as Head of Household loyalties.  

1) Master/slave relationship and unity of cause binding each together (the family). No one slave can be allowed to cause the upset of the whole polyamorous Master/slave relationship. The needs of the whole can outweigh the wants of one slave. Yes, the whole family may rally around one slave’s needs in times of trouble or sickness but generally a Master’s loyality is geared to the big picture. This is different than giving slave’s attention or respect.

2) Loyalty to his individual  slaves as his servants, lovers and to some extent as if they are his employees or troops. His duty is to train them to serve, obey and please him and protect the family. He is assigned the task of insuring all slaves are well training, safe and secure. He develops the loyalties of his slaves.  He is responsible for safety and security.

slave’s loyalty:  (Master, family, Peers)

1) Loyalty to her Master. The primary objective of a slave is to serve, obey and please her master. All other loyalities are secondary. This is an interpersonal loyalty.

2) Master/slave family is the structural unit that binds them together. This is family loyalty or community loyalty. Loyalty to the whole. Loyalty to a close family unit established and managed by her Master.  she must feel useful in this unit.

3) Peers - sister slaves (this can also involve the beta slaves’ loyalty to an Alpha slave). A loyal bond between sisters where each focus on serving, obeying and pleases their master. It is binding on an equil par. The loyality to a sister slave is hinged on the sister ‘s loyality to their Master.

Building loyality is one of the challenges of training a slave girl.

The controversial Theory of Military loyalty applied to a Master/slave relationship

Not all of the military model of loyalty works in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship because loyalty is considered one way.  I offer this as food for thought.  Granted, some aspects easily apply but a Master/slave relationship is not the same as military service.

Some theories of Military unit loyalty claim that loyalty is a one way street within the service. The troops are trained to be loyal to the Commander without question  but the Commander is not required to be loyal to the troops. Troops are to obey his orders and follow him to death. A commander uses the troops to further his wants and needs or a loyalty to his Country.  When discussing the strict subject of loyalty a commander does not have his troops personal needs at heart.

The commanders only loyalty to his troops is to use them to the best of his ability to satisfy his plans or cause. In other words the commander is to not needlessly get them killed while meeting his objective and maybe glorifying himself. But he may knowingly sacerfice some of them in an effort to fulfill that mission. Example: Sacrificing troops by leaving some behind to slow down an advancing  enemy Army as the rest of his Army retreats.  The total command and its goal is more important than the individual needs of troops.  The commander’s loyalty is to the whole and the goal.

He, as military commander,  can lie to troops as long as the purpose is to fulfill his goal and need not communicate his plans to them.  He can demand loyalty with no intention of giving it.  They are only to obey.  He can punish troops for disloyalty without them even knowing his mission goals.   Loyalty is strictly a one way street.

I am in no way pretending that a Master’s loyalty is the same as a commanders’ loyalty to his nation while leading troops into battle. I am only saying that the Master is the Commander of the family and there some similarities and well and differences.   A Master may consider his family goals and  his personal wants over individual slave wants.  He trains slave to serve him.   However I don’t think it is a good idea to lie to slaves about your intent.

Other views of loyalties

Fred Reichheld, business author, says in his book, The Loyalty Effect, that loyalty is the willingness to make an investment or personal sacrifice to strengthen a relationship. Loyalty can be faithfulness, devotion, trust, and adherence.

I disagree slightly and think that faithfulness, devotion and trust develop loyalty but I get his point.    I think trust must exist before loyalty is very strong.

Carolyn Myss in her book, Anatomy of the Spirit, says loyalty is part of the evolutionarily “tribal power system” and can have more influence than love. It’s an evolved instinct and members rely upon it even more in a crisis. She uses the example of a person feeling loyalty to family in general even if they don’t love all the members, and feel loyalty toward others with the same ethnicity without knowing them.

Myss’ idea of loyalty being a part of tribal power may well be true but the Master must develop and maintain the system before the instinct can florish. It will only happen because of his understand and influence. A Master must first build a strong tribe that is accepting of each slave.   She must have a feeling of belonging to the tribe and devotion to it and the tribal members.   This type of loyalty is learned in that you learn to love the tribe.  The better you know and interact with the tribe the more loyal you become.  The tribal concept seems to have merit.   In addition the tribe has a strong leadership structure that allows a master to use his natural head of household loyalties.

Requirements for Loyalty

Effective loyalty can’t be coerced or demanded. It must be heartfelt by the giver. The loyalty must be obtainable and not beyond reason.  It must be practical and useful.   Loyalty must be a wholehearted commitment.  It involves a cause or person to believe in.   It needs something beyond self to believe in and respect.

A Master must take care of himself so he can care for his slaves. He must also be honest with himself and make decisions based on good values and knowledge.    If he is being less than honest with himself sooner or later his slaves will find out it will destroy trust.   If trust falls loyalty will follow.

Be clear in your values, learn to trust loyal slaves, challenge them, care for their wellbeing, value their slavery and service.   Above all  communicate, communicate, communicate.   Communication and honesty makes it different from military loyalty even if you do have to make decisions that are unpopular at times.

Again —  Always remember that loyalty depends on trust. Don’t demand loyalty but earn it. Fear based loyalty does not last.

A master’s role as head of household and respect

Respect is different from loyalty.  A master, as head of household,  may respect each and every slave for her obedience,  service and devotion.

But a Master’s head of household leadership loyalty can be at times a little like the military. This happens when a Master issues commands based on the good of all instead of individuals.  Whereas: Trust and respect travels in both directions up and down the chain of command.

Loyalty and discipline are like magnetic forces holding the household together allowing all parties to work for a common cause.  

(More on discipline and the poly household at a later date)

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l need help with SEO if you are good at Google penalty recovery . Penguin or panda recover. I have done most of the recovery work still but need help/advice. I am a Master, writer and photographer not a computer guy. So I have been stumbling through the recovery process.

I think the B.E.S.T. slave training Guide reduction in visitors was due to what is called a “Google Penguin update.” As I understand it many websites suffered. The drop-off occurred between April 17, 2021 and April 22, 2012 . The huge drop in Google ranking and traffic came on April 21 where traffic went to zero in one day and remained there.

The good news is that on July 30, 2012 after I changed to WordPress and did some changes to the pages my ranking did a one day recovery. Even though the number of my daily site visits is higher than pre-penalty visitors my overall ranking in Google is still less. This is probably due to have User memberships now.

Here is an example of what I am talking about. For the search words “slave training” before the “penguin update” I was on page 1 for 10 years. After April 22 my page ranking when to about page 15 and remained. It is not back to about page 3. There has been a recovery but not good enough.

So … I need some help if you are good at SEO and analyzing Google penalties. If you can offer advice or help send me a message by going to the “Contact Me’ menu at the top. Tile the Email — “B.E.S.T. SEO Help.”         Thank you.

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BDSM and slave training: BDSM has a fluid definition described at the bottom of the article. Most Masters that train a slave girl are also involved in BDSM play, but not all. Generally a Master uses bdsm as a training tool to deepen slavery as well as engaging in scene play for fun.  Using it as a

BDSM — Image by Derek Bowden a fellow memeber of B.E.S.T.

training tool is often a different use and approach than meeting for s&m scene play.  Just remember that you should always consider what is safe, sane and consensual bdsm play based upon your experience level.

Many Tops and bottoms will meet only for scene play then move on without any intent of a long-term relationship. For them the bdsm scene play is the end result.  Many refer to it as “meet. beat and forget.”   For the Master/slave relationship bdsm scene play is not only for fun in the present but  also used to prepare the slave for the future.

Public dungeons are places where dominants and submissives meet to engage in open bdsm scene play. It is one or more rooms filled with wonderful BDSM dungeon equipment.   The equipment is often to big or expensive for one person to own in his home. Some dungeon equipment is quite imaginative and complex.   I like the St. Andrews Cross which is a simple device used to tie a slave open before you. Most of it can be used both on a submissive male  or a submissive female .
I have expose beams in my house that can easily be used for s&m play.  It is a timberframe home that I designed and  built which is also called a Post & Beam design.  It by it’s very design and structure has a built in dungeon because of all the overhead exposed beams running through the house (mostly in master bedroom and livingroom).  Wonder why I built that kind of home???   Care to guess?

The goal of a Master training a slave is to train her to serve, obey and please him as he wishes. He molds his slave to fit his need and wants. He uses bdsm as a step in the process.  BDSM when used as a training tool is never an end result but a step along the way. Oh BDSM is fun and just as much fun for a Master/slave if not more but it is not “meet, beat and forget.”  The spanking of a slave, bondage, flogging, whippings, clamping and all the rest are intense fun in and of themselves without considering it part of slave training.  But when combined into the training program, bdsm takes on a beautiful duel purposed not always found in other scene play.

Now don’t misunderstand this post, I see absolutely nothing wrong with pubic scene play in any form including “meet, beat & forget” play. We are talking about adults engaging in a consensual act that harms no one.  It fulfills a need in both the Top and bottom. Some Tops and bottoms meet at public dungeons or play parties only for scene play.  Tops and bottoms don’t necessarily have or want a long-term BDSM relationship outside the walls of the dungeon. It can mimic a one night stand that leaves you black and blue.   It is an act of alternative intimacy and connection not abuse.

This BDSM intimacy is nothing to be scoffed at.   I have engaged in public and private bdsm activities as a Master training a slave or just meeting a submissive for scene play. But the main focus of this website is to discuss slave training so I generally approach the subject of BDSM within this site from the standpoint of how it can be used for slave training.   For a Master that is training a slave  bdsm is intwined with slave training.   BDSM can easily be woven into behavior, emotion & sensation, self-image and thoughts training which are the foundations of  B.E.S.T. slave training.

BDSM is a intimate interaction not abuse.

Consensual BDSM is a connection between the parties involved in actual play and sometimes it involves  those around them. It’s a unique intimate interaction not an abusive or violent act.  BDSM scene play can take many different forms; some very sensual in nature  while others engage in intense acts involving pain.  Many forms of play involve some form of  sensory deprivation.

BDSM does not have to only be enjoyed by a master training his slave. Many good Tops can create very intense and or sensual scene play.  You only have to witness or participate in a scene were a slave goes into sub-space * and followed by after-care for this to become crystal clear.  The interaction is profound and even more so where there is already an emotional connection between the parties involved.

BDSM is a form of control and surrender that involves intimacy for many involved.  It is far more than a weekend  bdsm clubs or kinky sex.  It is a diverse community.   In many cities there is a large gay bdsm community.   Many associate the lifestyle with bdsm sex toys and yes they are a part of it but they don’t define the lifestyle.

For myself, usually in early slave training I view bdsm scene play with a slave trainee as part of the molding process. I usually gear it to help mold her yielding to my choices for her.  To me it seems to be a natural training tool and a beautiful form of intimacy.

Well after saying all this let me say that it is also just plain fun; as Sigmund Freud once said “sometime a cigar is just a cigar” .… so the scene play may well be just for fun Interestingly Freud is the major reason for the negative view of BDSM in the field of psychology and law.   Freud combined the terms sadism and masochism first used by Psychoanalyst Richard Von Krafft-Ebing into the term sadomasochism.   Interestingly both men never saw bdsm as anything but abuse.  Freud believes that a male could not be a masochist and a female couldn’t be a sadist.  Intimacy was never considered by these two men.  Go figure.  I discuss it more on the second page of this link.   It is part of an entire section on BDSM.

The beauty of BDSM

Yes,  bdsm is fun and should be enjoyed at times  just for itself  but in early training that fun can also be a gigantic training tool.  It is also a beautiful time of self-discovery for a submissive trainee with little or no prior experience in bdsm if she is in the hands of the right master.   In addition,  experiencing new play is exciting for both Master and slave.   Both Master and slave often are very surprised at what they find beautiful and enjoyable scene play.

The beauty of bdsm play for me in the interaction with the slave girl tied before me.  It’s hard to explain.  Not sure I want to try.  There is a “domspace”  as well as a “subspace.”

Often, bondage gives a slave the feeling of helplessness that aids in taking her deeper into the mood of  a bdsm scene and subspace.

It is important that when you engage in new forms of play that you seek advice from someone experienced that that kind of play.  That includes simple rope bondage to suspension bondage, fire play, use of the bullwhip and most other play.  You have another life in your heads so learn your skills first. Be sane about it.

*subspace  When a master causes a slave to experience pain and pleasure during bdsm scene play it stimulates her body to release epinephrines from her suprarenal glands and also triggers the release of endorphins.   This along with the scene itself causes the slave to enter a trance-like state.   Aftercare is the process of bring her back from this state and the final part of the scene play.   The bdsm scene play does not end until she returns from this trance-like state  (or it should not end until then).  I have seen Tops avoid aftercare and later wonder why no one wants to play with them.

SAFETY and BDSM —   safe, sane and consensual

Safety is always a primary area of concern.  No matter what form of bdsm you like you should know the safety procedures before you start.  Being safe, sane & consensual is the guiding principle of bdsm.   A public dungeon is a very good place to learn both safety and proper procedure.  you can also seek out an experienced dominant in your area.  Many are willing to help.  Never take safety lightly.   Some scene play you should never attempt without training.

Use commons sense.  One of the key concepts of owning a slave as your property is to be responsible for your own actions and be safe.  You are responsible.   If you are around those engaging in bdsm very long you will here those words “safe, sane & consensual”  use time and again.  Take heed and learn to be safe.  Let me say it again.  You will find many in the lifestyle willing to help you learn safe procedures for the type of play you like.  If you are a slave or bottom involved in bdsm you should also know what is safe dom procedures for your own safety.

Be honest about your actual experience level with any particular form of bdsm play. That goes for both Top and bottom.   If you lie to her about your knowledge and experience to get her to play with you then that is not consensual scene play but deception on your part.   Be honest.  If you don’t tell the Top your actual experience level then you are not helping him understand how to conduct the scene and increasing the chances of a bad experience.  Be honest.

If she is not your slave then you only engage in the type of bdsm play agreed to before it starts.   If you go beyond that with a submissive then it is no longer  clearly consensual.   You are quickly traveling into unsafe and nonconsensual activities.

As for as the sane part, unfortunately a lot of the responsibility for detecting who is sane is on the submissives’ shoulders.   Again use common sense when discussing play with a potential bdsm partner.   What do you actually know about him and his experience level.   Unfortunately there are those that cloak a desire to abuse in bdsm.  Be careful and take the time to actually know your partner first before engaging in play.  Ask around about him. Fine out what you can about him.  We all know there are abuser be on the lookout for them.

Use a safeword. Two sets of rules.   One for slaves you own and one for others you play with.

Generally slaves are not allowed safewords that infers a command to stop what you are doing.   A safeword from a bottom is a command you must obey, period.   A safeword is a prearranged  code word conveying information from the bottom to the top.   The safeword “RED”  is often used to mean STOP the play now.

I, even with my slaves, use a safeword just incase they need to tell me of a problem.   You should also.  Granted a slave is given no safeword that orders me to stop play but I do want to know how she is processing the scene.

AGAIN,  with a submissive that is not your slave the submissive’s safeword is a legitimate command for you to STOP what you are doing or END the play altogether.   That means at once you stop.  Any act beyond that with a submissive you don’t own as a slave is not consensual or sane or safe.  Don’t do it.

MEANING OF BDSM and THOUGHTS about the LIFESTYLE

BDSM = “B&D” (Bondage & Discipline)  +  “D&S” (Dominance & Submission), and/or  “S&M” (sadomasochism).  Freud  and Krafft-Ebing’s  terms (sadism, masochism and sadomasochism) with no intent to include intimacy and caring are far off the mark.  Thank goodness modern psychology is moving away from this silly and harmful definition.

BDSM is intended to be a fluid definition that describes a lifestyle and activities within the lifestyle.  Think of it as encompassing all within the lifestyle.

I think each person forms a unique image in there mind for the word “bdsm”  based upon several factors such as the type of play witnessed, experienced, or wanted.   But even with that unique and personal definition it is understood by all involved.   As a Master, to me, part of the meaning of bdsm involves it being a tool to train a slave to better serve me.

The word “BDSM” like the phrase  “slave training” forms a bond among people with no national, or religious or racial boundaries.  We may not otherwise know each other but it unifies us into a common love, cause and experience.  We are one without borders with no intent to cause harm to others.   We are bigger and have far more influence then we realize.   We are a caring huge family under the tent of bdsm.  We may not agree always on religious, political or economic concepts but we have this unique way of holding hands across the world with each other —  It is called bdsm.

BDSM Book from Amazon

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