Before I begin I want to say this topic covers any relationship be it vanilla or non-vanilla, the concepts of feelings and actions applies to most relationships in life and what is discussed is my personal opinion and it is different for everyone, hope by sharing my thoughts it can express normal human feelings.. My Past Relationships and my past haunted me for many years the end of a major relationship in rl and online were devestating, both relationships were very abusive mentally and physically……….they drained my inner being and clouded all my feelings about everything around me and internally. I built a very big wall around myself as I thought it was protection, guarding myself from anyone or anything.

star-2When these relationships ended I blamed myself for everything that happened and all events; even when very abusive and far from normal events, I didn’t look at  the whole picture. I questioned myself constantly……was my nature too kind?……did I give too purely?……..did i do something wrong?……did i act a certain way?………..did I serve wrongly?, these questions would repeat over and over swallowing me with great self doubt and blaming myself repeatedly, convincing myself that I was the person in the wrong.  Hence as a broken person it led on to making very bad choices in my life deriving from past feelings and a negative outlook.  It created a great deal of negativity as a person, drowning me in upset and a great lack of confidence, leading onto insecurities and inability to function…….a viscious circle was on full spin and I started to notice patterns in my behaviour.  I was on a rollercoaster that wouldnt stop.  For self balance, help and sanity I had to address this major issue immediately.  I began by receiving Counselling a service I had never taken up, considered or felt I needed.  Telling someone actually how I was feeling and talking about past opened doors for me.  It made me think about the main principles of any relationship be it vanilla or non-vanilla…. these principles were communication, trust, care, understanding, self image, strength and development.  I realised my mindset had been changed previously and it had dropped me in a very dark place. The only way I was going to change was moving upwards and to grow by my past, use it as a strength not a weakness, develop as a person and learn.  Now I wont lie it takes time and lots of hard work but each day I became stronger, confident, emotionally stable.


My outlook and mindset became more positive and I quickly realised that internally I was happy and glowing, the results I began to see around me and internally felt stronger.  I realised in conclusion for any relationship you are entering vanilla and non-vanilla you have to be strong in your self, emotionally stable, trusting, confident, open and have a good self image.   Thank you for reading.

Freedom in slavery

One of the things a new master does not always understand is that a slave chooses to be dominated and her personal freedom comes from enslavement.  She is not happy making all the decisions and doing everything “her way”.  She craves and needs a master’s guidance and control.  She is free to be herself when enslaved.  Some of you may have notices in the past that a slave may actually calm down and relax with she is stripped of freedom. she feels she is home when the feels her master’s control all around in her.

slave freedom
image by China Hamilton and used with his permission

her freedom comes from being owned

This is not always easy for her to accept that she needs enslaved but with time she will see where her happiness lies.  She feels it but does not always understand why.   Often a master’s disciplne even if harsh puts her at ease and puts her in into a sense of peace.  There is a calmness in being owned that the vanilla world will not understand.   

In the beginning she may test her master to see if he is strong enough to actually control her and give her what she needs. Disciple is far easier for her to take than no control of a Master’s hand.

This is a subject I often take time to explan to a new master.  He can move ahead and control her, guide her, set rules, set protocols, do position training and she will accept.  She may be frustrated but often that is because she does not do it correctly in the beginning. As a master set your goals and don’t second guess youself.  She wants your leadership and control.



Service – the slave’s Vessel

The slave’s Vessel :

A slave is trained to serve her master in the daylight as well as in his bed at night.  Her domestic or other service is essential to the success of their lives.  Every slave needs a vessel which she can fill and serve her master

domestic service - naked slave carrying a vessel
domestic service – carrying a vessel Image c. 1910 by Lehnert & Landrock

She serves, obeys and pleases her master.  Not every act of service needs to be ordered by her Master.  She just knows the vessel is empty and fills it for her Master.

Continue reading Service – the slave’s Vessel

Taming of the Wild Mustang

I write this under the direction of my Master. It was in a conversation we had today discussing how I have grown, where I have come from, and where I am today that I am instructed to write this post. I do not submit that I know everything, or know it all, because that is far from the case, in this or any other matter. However, I speak from experience, insight, gut wrenching intuition and an understanding of my slavery

taming a slave girl
slave table – taming a slave – Image by Derek Bowden

Two years ago (or in that vicinity of time) I sent an email to Master outlining my heart, my life, my fears, and my nightmares.   I was always expected to be the strong, independent, capable woman, and although I do that with ease in my day to day life, I knew there was a part of me that was not complete. And it was in that first email that I shared those thoughts and feelings.

Continue reading Taming of the Wild Mustang

Loyalty in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship

Loyalty if a polyamorous Master/slave relationship is complex and different for a Master than his slave’s because of the very nature of the relationship.

Photographer Derek Bowden

Trust and a feeling of belonging are necessary to allow loyalty to grow.  You become loyal to someone you feel a connection to.

It is the Master’s responsibility to build the feeling of belong in a submissive to foster her loyalty to him, the polyamorous Master/slave relationship and the other slave. The master assumes the burden of building and protecting his slaves’ loyalty. This is not easy because everyone has conflicting loyalties. An example would be the loyalty to a friend can conflict with loyalty to family or a principle.

“The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith.” – Confucius

Continue reading Loyalty in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship

Trust is like a bank – applied to a Master slave relationship

Trust in slave training:

In his book “It’s Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy”,     U. S.  Navy Commander  Michael Abrashoff  says that personal trust is like a bank.  You need to make trust deposits often and let it build up quantity and interest.  He points out that as events happen in life,  you may well need to spend some of this trust so you need reserves.  Spend the trust wisely and save it for emergencies.

naked slave girl
image of slave – by China Hamilton

This may well be true in slave training.  The slave girl you are training may react the wrong way to a training step you take or you might just make a stupid mistake were extra trust in the bank will help.

It is nice to have trust in the bank to spend when that happens.

Trust In a Master/slave relationship

Often the big key to successful slave training is based on the amount of trust she has in her Master.

What composes this “Bank of Trust” that she has is her belief that  he has the knowledge and skills to train her correctly, keep her  physically and emotionally safe, accepts ownership of her as a slave girl once trained, will structure service to make her useful and productive and has stability in his on life.  With this foundation trust can be deposited in the bank.

Caged slave girl, slave in training, bdsm lifestyle, trust in training
caged girl

Trust Bankruptcy in slave training

Most of us that’s been around for a while has seen those spend more trust than they have and spend it to quickly.   If you overspend the relationship it is most likely over.    So build a trust fund to spend as needed or when you must.

The foundation for building trust with your slave is communication and honesty.   It is also important that a slave know that her body is safe with you during play and you have the skills necessary to play wisely.    Mistakes happen so credibility is important so that she does not loose confidence in your skills.   She only grows if she trust you.


Most dictionaries say something like trust is “showing or tending to have a belief in a person’s honesty or sincerity; not suspicious.”   As a Dominant we do all kinds of suspicious behavior and can cause fear in a slave.   We in the lifestyle push trust at times with the type of intense play and mind fuck games we do.    But that is our accepted lifestyle.  We do dominate and submit in this lifestyle.   Limits are pushed and expanded.    Not many forms of vanilla relationship   trust involves such intense focus and belief.     Because of that,  it takes time to build.   It can be quickly broken as well.

In many cases the lifestyle means a slave can be shared with other dom’s or he can have other slaves.    Trust involves accepting you have a useful place in a poly relationship.

Self-trust is also important.   You moved into this lifestyle because of inner feelings and believes.   The development into a slave can be intense.   Trust your needs and desires and know you will develop and grow in slavery.

So be honest (when not doing a mind fuck with your slave  :-)  )  and keep communication going.   If you make a mistake, admit it and move on.   Keep trust alive.   Oh,  a “mind fuck”  is not lying to a slave;  it’s a form of scene play for those that don’t know.

She is a clay slave..

This slave has made a decision to embrace new and scary things in her life..She used to really believe she was fragile..like a piece of porcelain or glass..she has decided to take a different stance now..and envision herself as a malleable piece of clay..you can bend that, and mold it, make it as You want it to be..but in the end..clay is almost impossible to break..You can drop it and it can fall into pieces..but because its clay..you can always stick it back together again..and remold it to Your liking once again..So this slave would like to say, that she is a clay slave, bendable, modifiable and always ready for adaption, change and in the end, when it is a lovely vessel or bowl..it is always ready for service too.. Isn’t that what this is all about in the end..to be of service?   Wheel
So what she wants to know is,  what kind of slave are you??

Tribute to Bettie Page and BDSM thoughts

This is just a short Tribute to  Bettie Page from the 1950’s.    it is a look into our past.  Lucky for me the pictures were still around in the early to mid-1960’s.   Back then you just didn’t see pictures displaying what we now call BDSM.

Betty page with cane
I wanted to use that on her ass when I was just a boy. Don’t ask me how I found the pictures


Ah yes, as a young boy I wanted to spank her.     Yes, I know she was carrying the whips in pics or often rope but I wanted to take them away from  her use them on her.


Hey, it was a good pastime for a young  boy on the farm.     Of course, I didn’t know anything about BDSM at the time.   I just knew the though of spanking her or whipping her was very appealing to me.


betty-pageiii Continue reading Tribute to Bettie Page and BDSM thoughts

B.E.S.T. slave training’s recovery from a Google Panda and Penguin attack.

A Note to Member of B.E.S.T.

For 10 years B.E.S.T. slave training  was ranked on the front page   for a Google search result of  “slave training.”      I was the top site and remain on the front page as others came and went.    Not being an expert on Google ranking or SEO I just enjoyed the ride.  I knew I was doing something right to be on top.   If it was not broke I was not going to fix it.

Then one day in 2012,  I started getting hit by Google’s  Panda and Penguin penalties.   I went from page 1 to page 60 or below.    I would recover some ranking only  to be hit by another wave.    I refused to give in and continued to battle.  The major problem is that they will not tell you what caused the problem and you have to research and spend hours correcting.     Even after you figure out something that might fix it you have to wait weeks for the change to take effect (or it seems like it anyway).

Well,  maybe with all the changes to the website including many behind thes cenes changes my  ranking is back to Page 1.    Today, I am ranked second from the top  on page 1.      The Google God’s seem to be happy again with B.E.S.T.     The goal is to remain on page one.

This is great for members because it means we are among the very top in Google and Bing ranking and have a much larger audience.

B.E.S.T. on TV News about Non- Consensual slavery in North Dakota


On 2/4/2014, I received emails informing me that the B.E.S.T. website was discussed on a KVLY-TV, Valley News Live, a local TV News show in Fargo North Dakota. The emails pointed out that the News story focused on abuse and claimed it was part of bdsm culture. They also claim that a domestic violence abusers cult  exists there. They also implied this cult used my website as some sort of go-by.

I will try to state my case in a way that can be verified with evidence from other sources not connected with BDSM when possible.  In some cases, I will link to them or the actual document on my site that were twisted to fit the news story they want.   In addition I will show some willful lies intended to distort facts.

I have no idea why the facts  were not verified before the story ran.

major updated on 2/8/14:

I put the summary first because I know the NEW ROOM will not read the whole thing



This is a Short version for KVLY-TV, Valley News Live because  I know they will not take the time and energy to read the detailed long version that follows this summary.


Continue reading B.E.S.T. on TV News about Non- Consensual slavery in North Dakota

My new Target Whip & Dragontail for bdsm play:

I purchased a target whip for bdsm play this weekend. I already own a 4 foot bullwhip and a 5 foot snake whip, but I really like this new one. I have only been practicing with it and have not used it yet but look forward to seeing the marks it leaves. I do not have a slave’s opinion yet on how it feels.

A bullwhip has a handle, bradded whip, leather fall and popper.

bullwhip for bdsm play

The snake whip does not have the stiff handle but does have the fall and popper normally associated with whips.





snake whip for bdsm
snake whip



A signal whip does not have a handle or leather fall and is more accurate than a snake whip. The signal whip often has a smaller diameter than a bullwhip or snake whip. Many signal whips are stiff. One difference between a snake whip and signal whip is that a signal whip has a braided in cracker (popper) instead of the popper being attached to a fall on a bullwhip.

Continue reading My new Target Whip & Dragontail for bdsm play:

The New DSM-5 and slave training and Sadomasochism

DSM-5 and BDSM Today

How BDSM and slave training can be affected by the new version of the DSM-5. What this can mean and what it does not change. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) published a new version of it’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The new version is referred to as the DSM-5. Our interest in the DSM-5 is now it redefines BDSM and to a lesser extent slave training. Sadomasochism is not a disorder if certain triggers are not found in the therapist’s evaluation.


The DSM-5 makes changes that, over time, will have a positive effect on the way the world views B.D.S.M. and slave training. In fact, kinky sex in general will greatly benefit from the changes in wording. To all those in the lifestyle that have taken an active role in helping change the APA’s view from the DSM-I to the DSM-5, THANK YOU!!!


Be Happy with your kink

Prior to the DSM-5, the APA defined sexual behavior acts not solely focused on the genitals or breasts as paraphilias. The word Paraphillas first appears in publication in the DSM-III and is defined as an unusual sex act.

Continue reading The New DSM-5 and slave training and Sadomasochism

Power of Attorney and Living Wills for slaves:

Power of Attorney and living will for a slave:

Power of attorney’s and living wills; these are not subjects that many want to think about in a Master/slave relationship. But being a good Master means you consider and manage such matters. The slave girl is your responsibility, and this is part of proper slave management & care.

Both the power of attorneys (POA) and a Will are more relevant for a 24/7 slave than someone you occasionally see. In fact, I would not recommend them if you don’t live with her.

slave's will
slave’s will and POA

Remember that legal rights are not laid out in a Master/slave contract. A slave contract is NOT legally binding only morally binding between the parties. You must have proper legal documents to exercise legal rights over her affairs. Don’t believe a slave contract will acts as a will or power of attorney, it will not. I would not recommend that you try to include a power of attorney or will in your slave contract. A power of attorney should be a separate document unclouded with the conditions set forth in a typical slave contract.

Keep a POA simple and easy for a court to enforce if needed. Why complicate it for you or the Court? When you need it enforced you probably don’t have time to discuss unrelated issues in the slave contract. Don’t take a chance on voiding the power of attorney, Living Will or Will by including them in an otherwise unenforceable document. Keep it separate. Don’t take a chance.

Power of Attorney and living will: Granting Master authority:

Durable and medical power of attorneys (POA):

There are two types of power of attorney that should be prepared and signed that grants a master legal authority. They are the 1) durable power of attorney and the 2) power to manage medical issues.

Continue reading Power of Attorney and Living Wills for slaves:

serving her Master – BDSM Lifestyle