BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions, nego­ti­a­tions before start­ing a Dominant/submissive rela­tion­ship and slave train­ing.  The stan­dard BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions or Dominant/submissive con­tract nego­ti­a­tions before the start of a rela­tion­ship don’t really apply to a Master/slave rela­tion­ship.  At least, not in the way BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions are nor­mally expressed.

B.D.S.M. scene play

First lets look at what B.D.S.M. scene play nego­ti­a­tions are all about.

Typ­i­cally two types of nego­ti­a­tions are dis­cusssed on BDSM lifestyle websites:

1) B.D.S.M. scene play Nego­ti­a­tions (meet­ing for play):

Usu­ally BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions deter­mine which one of the play­ers takes on the dom­i­nant or sub­mis­sive roles dur­ing play.    BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions can also include indi­vid­ual dis­likes dur­ing play, lim­i­ta­tions and bound­ries for scene play, type of play that will be part of the scene,  how long the scene will last, safe words, how the bot­tom addresses the Top and any med­ical issures that either should be aware of.

In gen­eral,  the BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions is a “what, when, where, why, how, and by whom” agree­ment.  B.D.S.M scene play nego­ti­a­tions are impor­tant when meet­ing for BDSM play. It sets the rules for the B.D.S.M. play and insures the Top only bor­rows what con­trol he is allowed to use dur­ing the period of play. The Top starts out own­ing no part of of the bot­tom and when the play if over the Top still does not own any part of the bot­tom. It is not about long-term rela­tion­ships. Often it is about the here and now not the future.  Granted it can be and often is a first step in to a longer rela­tion­ship.  I don’t  con­demn BDSM scene play  nego­ti­a­tions for I see them as very impor­tant and necessary.

Many meet to ful­fill sado­masochist needs or fan­tasies and BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions helps insure safe and proper S & M play.  Just meet­ing for BDSM scene play may not be of much inter­est to me per­son­ally but I do see it is impor­tant and nec­es­sary.  It can often help place the sub­mis­sive or bot­tom at ease before engag­ing in bondage, flog­ging, whip­ping or other bdsm scene play.

2) B.D.S.M. Nego­ti­a­tions for a more Per­mi­nant Rela­tion­shiip (on-line or in per­son) Dominant/submissive:

These are nego­ti­a­tions to determed what free­doms a sub­mis­sive will present to her Dom­i­nant and for what period or time. It is not a Total Power Exchange (TPE) and nego­ti­a­tions are nec­es­sary to set lim­its on just what and when and where and how the sub­mis­sive sur­ren­ders. These nego­ti­a­tion can include liv­ing arrange­ments, vis­its, domen­stic servce, other rela­tion­ships, length of ser­vice, what the sub­misve does not give to her mas­ter, pun­ish­ment lim­its, safe words, money arrange­ments and so on. It is a con­tract estab­lish­ing how the Dom­i­nant and sub­mis­sive live together or how the sub­mis­sive serves part-time or on-line.    It is not a one time meet­ing for BDSM play.

Although the rela­tion­ship may well be long-term there are bound­aries  built into the rela­tion­ship. The bound­aries are very often laid out in a con­tract and agreed to by both par­ties and signed. The point is that the sub­mis­sive retains some con­trol and the Dom­i­nant accepts these lim­i­ta­tions on is control.

Master/slave rela­tion­ship and  BDSM scene play negotiations:

In a Master/slave rela­tion­ship the slave makes a deci­sion to allow her Mas­ter own­er­ship of her choices. In B.E.S.T. that is called a “choice deci­sion. “ she becomes his prop­erty and he can make what­ever choices he chooses for her. It’s less about nego­ti­a­tion than a slave reach­ing the real­ity that if she accepts slav­ery she loses her free­doms and is owned by her Mas­ter. Now of course this is within rea­son and com­mon sense. No Master/slave rela­tion­ship should include some actions or pro­biti­ions such as abuse of minors, rob­bery and vio­lent acts. So lets not get way off base and for­get rea­son. We do live in this world and most the cul­ture around you applies and all of its laws still applies to us.

Slav­ery is sur­ren­der of free­doms.  It is not a nego­ti­ated arrange­ment  but uncon­di­tional sur­ren­der.    A slave con­tract could rightly say  “I give myself to him and he may do with me as he wishes.”    I have noticed that first time Master/slave con­tracts are often long and detailed and over time if they’re rewrit­ten become shorter and less struc­tured.   Once you own a slave for a while you real­ize a very sim­ple doc­u­ment can express your own­er­ship of her.  she is your prop­erty and you con­trol her.  That can be eas­ily and clearly stated in a brief document.

It should be noted from a prac­ti­cal side that usu­ally a slave chooses who she sur­ren­ders her free­doms to because she feels her morals and atti­tudes closely match his or she feels he will mold and guide  her to where she needs to be.     Yes she sur­ren­ders her free­doms but she most likely chooses a Mas­ter she feels safe with and trust before surrender.

Sam­ple BDSM Scene Play Nego­ti­a­tion Form

ROLE: Top___Bottom___Dominant___Submissive___

Male___Female___

Heterosexual___Bisexual___Gay___Lesbian___Transexual___ Pansexual___

Expe­ri­ence: Novice___Intermediate___Advanced___

Pain: Yes Nn

Pain Tol­er­ance

Light pain___

Medium Pain___

Heavy Pain___

Bondage: Yes___ No___

Light Bondage___

Heavy Bondage___

Phys­i­cal and Med­ical Limits:

Safe Word:

Fetish’s/Fantasies:

Pro­hib­ited play:

When & Where we Meet:

When it will end:

Exchanged safe call infor­ma­tion (calls to a friend):

Toys to be use or not use:

Any oth­ers involved and how involved:

Sex arrange­ments:

Addi­tional infor­ma­tion on BDSM scene play nego­ti­a­tions (Wikipedia)