BDSM Lifestyle an Alternative Intimacy, consensual sadomasochism

bdsm lifesyle. slave on a cross
bdsm lifestyle
bdsm diagram of elements
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BDSM involves erotic sexual interaction. It often includes consensual restraining a “bottom” or “submissive”, sensory stimulation, whipping, submission and role-playing.  It is an acronym that included other acronyms. Examples are: B&D (Bondage & Discipline), D&S (Dominance & Submission), and S&M (sadomasochism).  It always is practiced with the informed consent of both parties involved or it is abuse. Period!!!

“BDSM” is a catch-all phrase used in conjunction with the word lifestyle. BDSM play involves a dominant and submissive or Top and bottom engaged in an agreed alternative intimacy

So the term BDSM lifestyle covers about all that acts of scene play and the lifestyle. It has grown to be a broad term. People that engage in it are often called ” bdsm’er”. For many bdsm’ers, the lifestyle is as much a belief system as well as a way of play. It bonds otherwise different individuals into a common lifestyle.

It involves more than bondage, grabbing your submissive and giving her a good spank on the butt, kinky lifestyle clothing or kinky sex (kinkysex). The culture extends around the world, and like-minded people often meet for “play parties” and freely engage in bdsm scene play. It is often referred to as an alternative intimacy.

BDSM can focus only on sexual or non-sexual play or a combination of the two. Play can be soft, sensual or very intense sadomasochism that includes pain. The type of scene play used depends on what the partners want and agree on. In truth, scene play must be consensual.

 

BDSM Lifestyle & personal choice

There are free online dating services and personals. It is a way of life that involved personal choices and is a highly individualized. There is no master rule book or master plan that all follow. Let me be clear, BDSM is not domestic violence, child abuse, or physical abuse. No substance abuse can ever be associated with it.

B.D.S.M. means consensual acts shared between two or more adults. Discussions  must include the word “consensual.” It is implied. It is not abuse or violence against another.  That activity is not bdsm.

There are many how to (how-to) books and videos that make it easy to learn about the play. This website is not about play but about the training of a slave to serve, obey and please her master in a long-term relationship. B.D.S.M play such as detailed in the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” is not the same as discussed on this website. Here, a slave makes a decision to be owned by her Master. There is a “power exchange.” She makes a “choice decision” meaning she makes a choice to grant her master authority to make decisions for her.

Slavery (per this lifestyle) refers to a dominant (male or female) owning a submissive person (male for female) as property with no break in ownership. It is a unique type relationship called a Master/slave relationship. It is not a weekend game. It is a consensual power exchange where the slave grants her Master authority over her decisions. It is a lifestyle.

In very general terms, a submissive means a person controlled by another. However, not all submissives are slaves, though all slaves are normally considered submissives. This can get confusing because many submissives have jobs that require them to be in change. If you are a submissive, that does not mean you submit to everyone wishing to order you around.

The terms bottom, submissive, and slave refer to someone with a submissive personality, but only the term slave means she is the property of her Master.

A dominant is referred to as Top, Dominant or Master (Mistress). In play, a Top and bottom will meet for play with no real focus on a relationship or power exchange other than a brief period. It is more about bondage, flogging and so on. A Dominant and submissive relationship involves more personal interaction than just meeting for bdsm play. A Master/slave relationship involves a total exchange of power.

Above all, it is a consensual alternative intimacy that although controlled and guided by the dominant. It is not just about the dominant getting what he or she wants. During play, the submissive also receives pleasure.

 

B.D.S.M. is a relationship alternative lifestyle

The lifestyle may or may not involve polyandry, bondage or any other kinky practice. It depends on what you believe and the kink desired. If new, you can often find lifestyle coaching available in many bdsm organization and community groups. Play safe…

Book on the B.D.S.M. lifestyle – Consensual Sadomasochism: How to talk about it & How to do it safely

Masochism equals intimacy not abuse. BDSM does not make you sick

ROY F. BAUMEISTER, PH.D. Is currently a profession of Psychology at Florida State. He conducted research on the self-including various concepts related to how people perceive, act, and relate to their selves. Baumeister wrote a chapter titled, “The Self” in The Handbook of Social Psychology.

In an article “Masochism: An Alternative Intimacy” The Spectator (Vol. 22, No. 14 June 30-July 6, 1989) Dr. Baumeister says that:

1) New research findings have changed our understanding of sexual masochism. It gives us a different picture of BDSM

2) Once psychology took a very dim view of S&M. … assuming it to be a mentally ill… and… Probably dangerous individuals full of guilt.

3) Today we know that masochists live normal, well-adjusted lives. They are pretty much like anyone else.

4) Masochism is not a sign of being sick or maladjusted.

Dr. Baumeister says that masochism is a means of escape … from everyday life, from problems and worries. Masochism allows escape from your identify and bondage takes away control.

In conclusion Dr. Baumeister says “If you are a masochist, the main thing is not to worry that there’s something wrong with you. There are probably a couple million other Americans with the same desires, and the vast majority of them are healthy and well-adjusted.”

Additional information: Other TERMS for scene play:

A scene or scene play is a short-term interaction between two or more people engaging in BDSM play.

Before the scene begins, usually the parties involved negotiation the terms of play that will be experienced. NOTE: Now that you understand that a Scene means play the works “The Scene” refers to the BDSM lifestyle (just to confuse you).

Safe words: Are means of quickly communicating key information between Top and bottom during scene play using predefined words to represent prearranged signals. In general, the following safe words are used: “Green” means that everything is OK. “Yellow” means that the activity is getting intense, and maybe the Top should slow down or take a break. “Red” means stop at once.

SSC: stand for “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” which usually defines the boundaries of BDSM play. Safe play within the skill of the dominant and wanted by the submissive.

RACK: equals “Risk Aware Consensual Kink,” that points out that some activities in BDSM are by definition unsafe, but the play partners enter into the activity of their own volition with full knowledge.

serving her Master – BDSM Lifestyle