Domination Versus Domineering:

What is the difference, what should you know:

Written by: fawn{G}, loving slave of Master Greg

There is a fine line in determining abuse and play at times in a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship, or even in playtime. Often an onlooker may see abuse where one whom is schooled in control may see a lesson. So how does one tell the difference, where do we draw the line between safe, sane and consensual and control reinforced with pain, fear, and neglect.

Webster defines the two terms thusly:

Dominate: verb; rule, control, sway; of heights, to overlook. –vi. Control, be the most powerful or influential member or part of something. –

dominant, domination n. Domineer’ v. to act imperiously, tyrannize.

Therefore one can surmise, to dominate means to control, to influence, to domineer is to act irresponsibly in a tyrannical way.

Abuse can be defined as any activity that is damaging to another, whether mentally, physically, or spiritually.

There are those who crave pain as a way of giving of themselves, or an outpouring or release of emotions, while others cannot tolerate pain, it frightens them, fills them with fear to the point they withdraw completely, hiding inside themselves. Here we have two sides of the same coin, in one case, a good flogging to the point of tears would be beneficial, while to the other example, this act could push the subject into a deep depressive state including and not limited to the breaking of sacred trust.

Either subject would be excellent material for domination and unfortunately domineering. Case in point if a Dom beat His property every day for His sheer enjoyment, and she was not harmed, then its not abuse. But if it did harm her, pushed her beyond her limitations of fear or pain, to the point of damaging her mentally or physically, then it becomes abusive.

Many activities enjoyed in BDSM scenes, or training sessions can be used to either dominate or domineer, it is the intent behind the exercise that defines it. If it is used to push the subject, stretch her limitations, broaden her scope of experience and thereby strengthen her trust, it is most assuredly domination. On the other hand, if it is used to break the subject, beat her down and destroy her mentally, then this is very clearly domineering abusive use of the subject.

So how can we, as submissives, be assured we will not be domineered but receive the domination we so desperately crave. The answer is really quite simple.

To begin with, we must define, what is a Master.

Once again we will look to Webster’s artful definitions;

Master n. one who employs another, head of a household; owner; one in control; captain of a merchant ship; teacher; artist of great reputation –v.t. overcome; acquire knowledge of, or skill in, -masterful a. imperious, self-willed, masterly n. skillfully done, -mastery n. victory, authority

A Master Dominated, teaches and supports his slave:

A Master dominates, He owns property with responsibility, He teaches, supports, nurtures, and skillfully creates the servant He wants by molding her into what He wishes, not destroying the essence, but embellishing and polishing the raw diamond till it shines brightly. There is nothing beautiful nor valuable in a brow beaten animal, scared of it shadow, moving through the paces pounded in its head in utter fear of its owner.

A domineering person will try to get the same results but with force and frustration. Domineering is breaking the animal down to a shadow of an existence for the sheer enjoyment of being in charge without regard for his property’s wellbeing. This person cannot control himself much less master another. His ability to master will reflect upon all aspects of his life, one just has to look to see the proof.

There are spoiled children trying to wear grown up clothes in every walk of life, it is up to our common sense to recognize who can be trusted with the keys to our bodies and minds and who can not. Once the keys are given, it is much harder to implement this philosophy. Know the Man WELL before giving this power to them. This cannot be emphasized too much or too often. To take a collar is to give yourself, body, mind, and soul, to another. A collar is for life, a collar means this person has the power to either make or break you submissives, you are giving them that power by accepting it. Better make damn sure they are responsible enough to care for the property before you hand them the keys.

To often have we read the stories of girls ending up in a hospital from the abuse of a Dom they met online, or a gorean Master they thought was for real. Wake up! Smell the coffee! You are your only defense in this situation. This is your last decision you will ever make as a submissive, make it wisely, it determines the rest of your life!

In any TPE relationship, there is the danger of abuse, but we submissives have the power to choose our Dominants carefully, and must exercise great caution when doing so. Our beloved Dominants have the power to make their property sparkle with brightness and shine with the clarity of love, devotion, and excel in personal growth further then they have ever known, Dominants also have the power to break these charges down to nothing, it is up to the Dominant to exercise their power with dignity and honor and respect.

Make that decision soberly this girl employs you, serve well, and live happy. The life of a slave should be filled with great joy and happiness, her sense of freedom and expression greater then most will ever fathom. Don’t sell yourself short, you are worth it, you deserve it.

A girl wishes to thank Master CuffsMaster for allowing a simple gorean slave the opportunity to post such an important topic on His site. She is grateful to her Master for allowing her to do so.


fawn{G}, loving slave of Master Greg’s email address: