This illustration reached my heart today. The vision is so real for me. And, the concept has been true for me more than once in my relationship.The love that He has expressed, at moments when I have walked through such difficult times, with His embrace, is beyond words for me.
I made it thorough, into His waiting arms not because I wasn’t scared, but because He wasn’t.
I am a very strong female slave. I have, and can handle very difficult experiences alone. This is not about how strong I can be it is about how different the experience is when I am held in His Dominate circle of care. I am free.
Taking care of other people most of my life, having to be the strong one for siblings, parents, other family and friends led me to an adult life of believing being strong and doing it all was how I must live. I was good at all of it and have the awards and resume to prove it. Yet, inside I trembled and was scared all the time. My life was stress filled and I was living in a self-made prison of being the person others expected and needed. I was afraid, lost and buried deep inside myself.
The fear that I feel has not always been understood. Many Dominates do not see past the fear to the little girl who needs to know she is safe. My reaction may seem unreasonable or an irrational response to an event or situation; even topping from the bottom. Overcoming fear by taking action has been a survival instinct. Having to behave in an unnatural way most of my life has engrained automatic behaviors that are not the true me, not my submissive self.
My Owner understands my need to feel that I am safe, and He accepts that I have fears. He knows He can help me feel there is a way past the fear and He is there to help me move to that safe place. When I am not reacting to my behavior and when I look deeper inside myself He holds me safe in His Dominance. He does not let me feed my fear. Re-directing my thoughts He teaches me to see my reality as His responsibility.
I have learned I can trust His choices for us and I no longer have to struggle with or hide my slave heart. Each time I see Him strong when I am feeling fear. And, each time that I hear the love His voice as He corrects my thoughts, and as He reaches for me and I can sit at His feet resting my head on his thigh. Each time He brings me next to him. With all of this I feel freedom. Freedom, the freedom to be the submissive women I have always been, the woman who is the matching piece to Him, the property/slave who belongs to Him.
I often think of this quote;
What the caterpillar thinks is the end of the world is the birth of a butterfly.~~Deepak Chopra.