Jealousy and adding a second slave to the poly family. Jealousy is the major killer of the dream of a polyamorous relationship. Because another slave
is present and seen interacting with her master, jealousy will go seriously awry if not checked. It’s the slave’s imagination & fears instead of reason & facts causing issues. It’s often caused by a Master’s lack of preplanning to prepare his trainee. However sometimes jealousy is almost ingrained and a deeper analysis using The B.E.S.T. slave training theory will facilitate overcoming it.
Years ago a vanilla friend was bragging to me about how he could make his wife jealous. He told how good it made him feel when she got mad because it showed she loved him. I tried to explain to him that is was a dangerous human weakness he was playing with. I told him jealousy was insecurity not love. Of course it backfired on him in time. They are no longer together. Not that it was the only issue but it was an unwise action that didn’t help. She mentioned it to me when I saw her once on the street after the divorce. So playing with her emotions caused problems.
“Jealousy springs more from love of self than from love of another.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Communication and Jealousy
Communication, communication and communication solves many of the problems in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship. A master needs to understand his slave’s fears and re-assure her. Talk to her. Observe her behavior because it is a giveaway to her thoughts. Being a master is not a cake walk.
Jealousy and polyamory
Jealousy is an emotion that results from negative thoughts and feeling caused by 1) lack of confidence 2) poor self-image, 3) fear and 4) insecurities. This causes feeling of fear and anxiety for an ANTICIPATED personal loss not an ACTUAL loss. It is about you not others. Normally it is assumed the person is jealous with no actual contract with a third person.
However in a poly — family there is actual contact with a second slave that may involve intimatcy. This adds a new dimension not normally a factor in dealing with jealousy. A slave does not own her Master or his sexual energy therefore there is no loss. She is his property. She must learn to accept that she has no control. What a slave must accept is that her master will be active with others and she has no right to stop it.
Jealousy itself, if gone awry, can bring out the worst in her and then cause a strong reaction from others. It’s a destructive act.
Jealousy is an area where B.E.S.T. Slave training can help since it not only focuses on behavior but emotions & sensations, self-image and thoughts.
Steps to easing Jealousy in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship.
Jealousy is not corrected by only changing behavior or using overwhelming force or punishment. Yes, some bad behavior exhibited because of jealousy can and maybe should result in punishment. However jealousy is an emotion not a behavior. The emotion must be directly addressed.
The first step is to understand that jealousy is a perceived problem more than an actual problem and to analysis your own personal jealousy. Determine the foundations in the past that lead you to feel jealousy. Jealousy is not founded in the present but past personal experiences or learned faulty thinking. Hypnosis can help to unveil these issues. Find the triggers that set off Jealousy . Write them down and analysis how the triggers make you feel. Facing the source helps overcome it.
Analysis how your jealousy is having an negative affect on yourself, your Master and others. A logical look at jealousy will usually show how it hinders the problem instead of fixes it. Granted this observation by itself will not “fix” it but will show that jealous does not come from reason. It shows you can’t use jealous to fix relationship issues. Jealousy is always about yourself not others.
Examine jealousy with logical questions. If jealousy is illogical then logic can help to overcome it. Ask such questions as: Why am I Jealous?, What makes me feel it?, What am I trying to keep or change? Who do I expect it to change others? It is working for me? How can I better communicate and solve the problem other than using this emotion? Why do I feel threatened?
Avoid negative self judgement and negative self-image. Jealousy is often founded in perceived weaknesses areas of your life. Jealousy causes you to multiply those feelings in your mind. Practice seeing yourself in a positive self-image. Comprise a list of positive things about yourself to focus on instead of your perceived weaknesses.
The results of Jealousy and Polyamory
REBT and Jealousy.
Big with the B.E.S.T. Theory is examining and changing false beliefs. Look at the section on REBT. Jealousy is based upon emotions generated by a false belief. Fine the correct believe and work hard to replace faulty beliefs and thinking with reason, logic and truth. Understanding, logic and truth can kill jealousy.
Apologizing for your actions
Take positive action by apologizing to anyone you have offended. BUT only after you know you were wrong and you need to change. This is a crucial step. It allows all parties to put down guards and start again. It matters little if you feel humiliation from apologizing because your emotions caused it. Apologizing is to help solve the problem you created.
Communicate and seek truth not faulty thinking
Communicate with each other – Jealousy is based on a lack of knowledge and truth. Communication helps solve this issue. Never let jealousy destroy your live. It is a curse not a blessing. It feeds on feelings of inadequate, insecure, or dependent. The sad part is that if a slave’s jealousy is not faced and corrected it may be necessary to let her go if you want a poly-family. That is a fact because you can’t have a destructive force in your house. So it is better for the master to take an active role on the front-end to aid her in overcoming her fears then have to release her later.