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Jealousy and adding a second slave to the poly family.  Jealousy is the major killer of the dream of a polyamorous relationship.  Because another slave

whipping a slave

ready for whipping by Derek Bowden

is present and seen interacting with her master, jealousy will go seriously awry if not checked.  It’s the slave’s imagination & fears instead of reason & facts causing issues.   It’s often caused by a Master’s lack of preplanning to prepare his trainee.   However sometimes jealousy is almost ingrained and a deeper analysis using The B.E.S.T. slave training theory will facilitate  overcoming it.

Years ago a vanilla friend was bragging to me about how he could make his wife jealous.  He told how good it made him feel when she got mad because it showed she loved him.    I tried to explain to him that is was a dangerous human weakness he was playing with.  I told him jealousy was insecurity not love.  Of course it backfired on him in time.   They are no longer together.  Not that it was the only issue but it was an unwise action that didn’t help.  She mentioned it to me when I saw her once on the street after the divorce.  So playing with her emotions caused problems.

 “Jealousy springs more from love of self than from love of another.”  – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

Communication and Jealousy

Communication,  communication and communication solves many of the problems in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship.   A master needs to understand his slave’s fears and re-assure her.  Talk to her.  Observe her behavior  because it is a giveaway to her thoughts.  Being a master is not a cake walk.

Jealousy and polyamory

Jealousy is an emotion that results from negative thoughts and feeling caused by 1) lack of confidence 2) poor self-image, 3) fear and 4) insecurities.  This causes feeling of fear and anxiety for an ANTICIPATED personal loss not an ACTUAL loss. It is about you not others.   Normally it is assumed the person is jealous with no actual contract with a third person.

However in a poly – family there is actual contact with a second slave that may involve intimatcy.  This adds a new dimension not normally a factor in dealing with jealousy.  A slave does not own her Master or his sexual energy therefore there is no loss.  She is his property.  She must learn to accept that she has no control.  What a slave must accept is that her master will be active with others and she has no right to stop it.

Jealousy itself,  if gone awry,  can bring out the worst in her and then cause a strong reaction from others.  It’s a destructive act.

Jealousy is an area where B.E.S.T. Slave training can help since it not only focuses on behavior but emotions & sensations, self-image and thoughts.

Steps to easing Jealousy in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship.

Jealousy is not corrected by only changing behavior or using overwhelming force or punishment.   Yes, some bad behavior exhibited because of jealousy can and maybe should result in punishment.  However jealousy is an emotion not a behavior.  The emotion must be directly addressed.

The first step is to understand that jealousy is a perceived problem more than an actual problem and to analysis your own personal jealousy. Determine the foundations in the past that lead you to feel jealousy. Jealousy is not founded in the present but past personal experiences or learned faulty thinking. Hypnosis can help to unveil these issues.  Find the triggers that set off Jealousy .   Write them down and analysis how the triggers make you feel.   Facing the source helps overcome it.

Analysis how your jealousy is having an negative affect on yourself, your Master and others. A logical look at jealousy will usually show how it hinders the problem instead of fixes it. Granted this observation by itself will not “fix” it but will show that jealous does not come from reason. It shows you can’t use jealous to fix relationship issues. Jealousy is always about yourself not others.

Examine jealousy with logical questions. If jealousy is illogical then logic can help to overcome it. Ask such questions as: Why am I Jealous?, What makes me feel it?, What am I trying to keep or change? Who do I expect it to change others? It is working for me? How can I better communicate and solve the problem other than using this emotion? Why do I feel threatened?

Avoid negative self judgement and negative self-image.   Jealousy is often founded in perceived weaknesses areas of your life.   Jealousy causes you to multiply those feelings in your mind.   Practice seeing yourself in a positive self-image.   Comprise a list of positive things about yourself to focus on instead of your perceived weaknesses.

The results of Jealousy and Polyamory

Jealousy loves the feeling of inadequate & dependent.  The twins make it grow.  Often a slave develops feelings of dependance on her master during training.  The fear of loosing her “rock”  can cause jealousy.   The truth is that it is her very connect between herself and her master that is what she is questioning.  It makes you feel horrible,  destroys the relation, friendships and other peoples respect for you.   While at the same time it causes you to act irrationally and fills you with fear anger and hatred.  Then later on you are filled with regret for you foolish actions.   So what’s the point?

REBT and Jealousy.

Big with the B.E.S.T. Theory is examining and changing false beliefs. Look at the section on REBT.  Jealousy is based upon emotions generated by a false belief. Fine the correct believe and work hard to replace faulty beliefs and thinking with reason, logic and truth. Understanding, logic and truth can kill jealousy.

Apologizing for your actions

Take positive action by apologizing to anyone you have offended.  BUT only after you know you were wrong and you need to change.  This is a crucial step. It allows all parties to put down guards and start again. It matters little if you feel humiliation from apologizing because your emotions caused it. Apologizing is to help solve the problem you created.

Communicate and seek truth not faulty thinking

Communicate with each other – Jealousy is based on a lack of knowledge and truth. Communication helps solve this issue.   Never let jealousy destroy your live.  It is a curse not a blessing.  It feeds on feelings of inadequate, insecure, or dependent.   The sad part is that if a slave’s jealousy is not faced and corrected it may be necessary to let her go if you want a poly-family.   That is a fact because you can’t have a destructive force in your house.   So it is better for the master to take an active role on the front-end to aid her in overcoming her fears then have to release her later.


Comments

Jealousy when Master adding second slave to family – Polyamory — 3 Comments

  1. There is an enormous amount of truth to your words. Without effective and proper communication, it is so easy to fall into this trap of jealousy. Thank you for sharing your insight!

  2. I think this is a wonderful topic, my husband and I communicate very often about our feelings and any possible jealousy. I trust him complete and now that even given the chance he would never cheat or play with a sub/slave without my knowledge. We are in the process of looking for sub/slave of our own but have never actually had one. We have had a threesome with other women before and actually had some living with us at the time. The first one we had no issue and we all got along wonderfully and never had any kind of jealousy issue. My husband and I had talked prior about playing without all involved but with the knowledge of it..ie me not feeling well and him wanting to be taken care of. The second one that lived with us I actually had an issue with and I still dont fully understand why. The three of us played once and a few weeks later her and my husband play because I had a headache that day. I thought I would be fine with it and it was a new experience for me to not be involved. I did talk to my husband about it later that day when I was ready to talk about it and I did apologize for acting that way, but for some reason I couldn’t and still cant explain why I felt that way. He didnt like me feeling that way so we agreed that if there is any play going on that everyone will be involved unless its time for him and I as husband and wife. But why do I feel so bad, I mean if I dont feel good and he wants some play time why shouldn’t he be able to do it specially in the case of a sub/slave. This post is very helpfully to me so thank you for posting. And I would really enjoy thoughts, feedback, advice and or opinions that may help for the future. Thanks all

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