Jeal­ousy and adding a sec­ond slave to the poly fam­ily.  Jeal­ousy is the major killer of the dream of a polyamorous rela­tion­ship.  Because another slave

ready for whip­ping by Derek Bowden

is present and seen inter­act­ing with her mas­ter, jeal­ousy will go seri­ously awry if not checked.  It’s the slave’s imag­i­na­tion & fears instead of rea­son & facts caus­ing issues.   It’s often caused by a Master’s lack of pre­plan­ning to pre­pare his trainee.   How­ever some­times jeal­ousy is almost ingrained and a deeper analy­sis using The B.E.S.T. slave train­ing the­ory will facil­i­tate  over­com­ing it.

Years ago a vanilla friend was brag­ging to me about how he could make his wife jeal­ous.  He told how good it made him feel when she got mad because it showed she loved him.    I tried to explain to him that is was a dan­ger­ous human weak­ness he was play­ing with.  I told him jeal­ousy was inse­cu­rity not love.  Of course it back­fired on him in time.   They are no longer together.  Not that it was the only issue but it was an unwise action that didn’t help.  She men­tioned it to me when I saw her once on the street after the divorce.  So play­ing with her emo­tions caused problems.

 “Jeal­ousy springs more from love of self than from love of another.”  - Fran­cois de La Rochefoucauld

Com­mu­ni­ca­tion and Jealousy

Com­mu­ni­ca­tion,  com­mu­ni­ca­tion and com­mu­ni­ca­tion solves many of the prob­lems in a polyamorous Master/slave rela­tion­ship.   A mas­ter needs to under­stand his slave’s fears and re-assure her.  Talk to her.  Observe her behav­ior  because it is a give­away to her thoughts.  Being a mas­ter is not a cake walk.

Jeal­ousy and polyamory

Jeal­ousy is an emo­tion that results from neg­a­tive thoughts and feel­ing caused by 1) lack of con­fi­dence 2) poor self-image, 3) fear and 4) inse­cu­ri­ties.  This causes feel­ing of fear and anx­i­ety for an ANTICIPATED per­sonal loss not an ACTUAL loss. It is about you not oth­ers.   Nor­mally it is assumed the per­son is jeal­ous with no actual con­tract with a third person.

How­ever in a poly — fam­ily there is actual con­tact with a sec­ond slave that may involve inti­matcy.  This adds a new dimen­sion not nor­mally a fac­tor in deal­ing with jeal­ousy.  A slave does not own her Mas­ter or his sex­ual energy there­fore there is no loss.  She is his prop­erty.  She must learn to accept that she has no con­trol.  What a slave must accept is that her mas­ter will be active with oth­ers and she has no right to stop it.

Jeal­ousy itself,  if gone awry,  can bring out the worst in her and then cause a strong reac­tion from oth­ers.  It’s a destruc­tive act.

Jeal­ousy is an area where B.E.S.T. Slave train­ing can help since it not only focuses on behav­ior but emo­tions & sen­sa­tions, self-image and thoughts.

Steps to eas­ing Jeal­ousy in a polyamorous Master/slave relationship.

Jeal­ousy is not cor­rected by only chang­ing behav­ior or using over­whelm­ing force or pun­ish­ment.   Yes, some bad behav­ior exhib­ited because of jeal­ousy can and maybe should result in pun­ish­ment.  How­ever jeal­ousy is an emo­tion not a behav­ior.  The emo­tion must be directly addressed.

The first step is to under­stand that jeal­ousy is a per­ceived prob­lem more than an actual prob­lem and to analy­sis your own per­sonal jeal­ousy. Deter­mine the foun­da­tions in the past that lead you to feel jeal­ousy. Jeal­ousy is not founded in the present but past per­sonal expe­ri­ences or learned faulty think­ing. Hyp­no­sis can help to unveil these issues.  Find the trig­gers that set off Jeal­ousy .   Write them down and analy­sis how the trig­gers make you feel.   Fac­ing the source helps over­come it.

Analy­sis how your jeal­ousy is hav­ing an neg­a­tive affect on your­self, your Mas­ter and oth­ers. A log­i­cal look at jeal­ousy will usu­ally show how it hin­ders the prob­lem instead of fixes it. Granted this obser­va­tion by itself will not “fix” it but will show that jeal­ous does not come from rea­son. It shows you can’t use jeal­ous to fix rela­tion­ship issues. Jeal­ousy is always about your­self not others.

Exam­ine jeal­ousy with log­i­cal ques­tions. If jeal­ousy is illog­i­cal then logic can help to over­come it. Ask such ques­tions as: Why am I Jeal­ous?, What makes me feel it?, What am I try­ing to keep or change? Who do I expect it to change oth­ers? It is work­ing for me? How can I bet­ter com­mu­ni­cate and solve the prob­lem other than using this emo­tion? Why do I feel threatened?

Avoid neg­a­tive self judge­ment and neg­a­tive self-image.   Jeal­ousy is often founded in per­ceived weak­nesses areas of your life.   Jeal­ousy causes you to mul­ti­ply those feel­ings in your mind.   Prac­tice see­ing your­self in a pos­i­tive self-image.   Com­prise a list of pos­i­tive things about your­self to focus on instead of your per­ceived weaknesses.

The results of Jeal­ousy and Polyamory

REBT and Jealousy.

Big with the B.E.S.T. The­ory is exam­in­ing and chang­ing false beliefs. Look at the sec­tion on REBT.  Jeal­ousy is based upon emo­tions gen­er­ated by a false belief. Fine the cor­rect believe and work hard to replace faulty beliefs and think­ing with rea­son, logic and truth. Under­stand­ing, logic and truth can kill jealousy.

Apol­o­giz­ing for your actions

Take pos­i­tive action by apol­o­giz­ing to any­one you have offended.  BUT only after you know you were wrong and you need to change.  This is a cru­cial step. It allows all par­ties to put down guards and start again. It mat­ters lit­tle if you feel humil­i­a­tion from apol­o­giz­ing because your emo­tions caused it. Apol­o­giz­ing is to help solve the prob­lem you created.

Com­mu­ni­cate and seek truth not faulty thinking

Com­mu­ni­cate with each other – Jeal­ousy is based on a lack of knowl­edge and truth. Com­mu­ni­ca­tion helps solve this issue.   Never let jeal­ousy destroy your live.  It is a curse not a bless­ing.  It feeds on feel­ings of inad­e­quate, inse­cure, or depen­dent.   The sad part is that if a slave’s jeal­ousy is not faced and cor­rected it may be nec­es­sary to let her go if you want a poly-family.   That is a fact because you can’t have a destruc­tive force in your house.   So it is bet­ter for the mas­ter to take an active role on the front-end to aid her in over­com­ing her fears then have to release her later.